1:45 PM
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I just got done buying a whole life insurance policy. Not that anyone will care but I don't want anyone to have to deal with the expenses of a funeral. Since you can't die for free, and I will probably find out on the 19th that I have lung cancer, I figured I better take care of it. I was told in December that I have six years left.
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Sarah
Why
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Why what?
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Our side of the family has had so many funerals that no one can afford to pool together the money to have my burial delat with. Besides that, I was unwanted from conception.
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Sarah
Why did they say you have six years to live
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Sarah
I’m sorry you’re going thru stuff. We’re having a very challenging day ourselves.
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I was dictated to by a divinity- by God. I was commanded to write things. I was told many things. I was told that I have six years left to do my work, and that I am going to be a martyr. I don't for what or how I will die. I am leaning toward the understanding that I will be killed.
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I have repeatedly shared what was given to me to write, with all of the details of the experience. People can choose to believe me or not. My job was to write and share. There are two. every bit is true, and I cannot take any credit or payment for it. https://despondentsea.blogspot.com/2022/03/true-account-of-gods-words-to-me.html
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That's it. I've done my job. Now I am to continue with following the spirit of my heart in the things I think are valuable. That's all. I was given gifts and promises. I was told of the war, the ticks, the ehatwave- all of these things and more way before any of it happened.
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I don't care if anyone believes me. I have never been a religious person, and I refsue to become part of the corrupted religious institutions of greedy men.
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I have been rewarded with this free time- freed from the slavery of the workforce that robs mankind of their own thoughts and ideas.
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My job is to continue my writing and my various art crafts. Out of all three of my kids, you are the only one I am in contact with. Cody is an atheist like his programmed and egotistical mother. Him and scarlett are both lost in the programming of society, alcoholism and drugs. Neither will communicate with me for fear of my scrutiny and possible disapproval. They refuse to give me an ounce of credit for anything. The problem is that everyone has made their own assumptions and believes what they want or were told. My book is a letter to you all telling you how lost and ashamed I was, how I wanted to die for the sake of the loss of you. How I was unable to allow any of you to witness the life that I was forced to endure by circumstance and broken promises of all thos claiming to love me- always saying they were going to help but only used me gfor personal gains byway of my intellectual property to make money for themselves. All I ever did was everything I could to become successful enough to have the money to throw around in order to takje you all back from the world that took you away from me. I never left any of you. You were held hostage against me until the mothers could get what they wanted. end of story. Its all water under the bridge. I'm not mad any more and drinking msyelf dead again. I let you all go- gifting myself the closure I was never respected enough to be given- answers to why. Yes, I was a husband. I was a father. I was a professional tradesman. I was all of these things and more but I am not anymore. Now i am am author, and a man who stands seemingly alone in my beliefs, understandings and convictions. Now, I reach out to anyone who will accept my offerings- all the while repeatedly exposing myself in social media where I know all of my family blood and friends virtually reside but still I am largely ignored. And to make up for it, I haev some wonderful new family members from doing my shows that love me to death. It make sit all worth while. And now my doctor has done bloodwork and has discovered discrepancies in my blood that indicates possible cancer. And with all of the chemicals and asbestos I was forced to be exposed to for an income, I most likely have cancer. She ordered x-rays and I go back to see her on the 19th to discuss it. It doesn't matter. I am looking forward to dying in this existence. Yes, I'd love to have my wants, see my kids and grandkids grow up- see my gereat grand children but that is all just another fantasy.
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I'm really done talking about it all. I will live on through my writing that no one wants to read for the sake of what truth they might be forced to accept. End of story. Thanks for being the only one who remotely speaks to me. At least I wont; die as what everyone wants to choose to understand me for themselves as. To some people I am a hero. I was given the hardest of burdens to bear all of my life. If I had a mother and father all of this would have been different. But then again, no one has a mother and father anymire. Corporate America has reinvented what family is.
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My book has all 5 star reviews. That says everything. And I can die happy with that alone.
My book, Escaping The Despondent Sea can be found on Goodreads and Amazon Kindle Unlimted.
You can also find a trilogy of poetry books- The Wishbones- book 1
The Wishbones- Life's Magic book2
and book3 The Wishbones Love and Seasons
Thank you for your valuable time. ZSP
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