After having gotten a great nights sleep, my slightly soggy bottom sauntered down the stairs to the galley. Julie had very recently gotten me a full size, electric drip, coffee maker. Yesterday, as I was cleaning the kitchen, I thought about the conversations we shared regarding my experiences with Jennifer- my most recent failed relationship.
Once, I told Jennifer Rodriguez that, if she wanted to make me happy, "coffee." Meaning, just make the coffee sometimes. Well, what she ended up doing was getting me a coffee pot for a caterer. Now, IF I had any brains employed at the moment, I should have understood that as, "Make it yourself."
Anyway, Julie bought a well known brand unit- replacing the 5 cup space-saver pot we had on the all too cluttered counter. Attempting to conceal the many thoughts and frustrations, I shrugged and hugged as I let the basket of arguments roll off of my shoulders. She only Loves me, and I have become to Love her very, very much. I've studied her. I understand her. And, because of the sobering of my self in the multitude of ways I have... I can be That Man.
Julie has two brothers, Jimmy and Johnny. Years ago, Julie was capable of taking over the responsibilities of paying the mortgage. The brothers had a fit, and the fit has never been put to a stop. No one has been disciplined, and Julie has been terrorized in every way.
When she went to college, she became pregnant. The child has never known a father, and all men that she has had offered to her have been less than Honorable- which is remarkable. When the child (Jen) was around 18 months, a 14 year old boy was mowing the yard with a riding lawnmower (or was horsing around unattended like the mower was a toy?). Jen must have had plenty of time to walk up to the mower and reach her hand under the deck, only to have a portion of her hand injured by the blades. Well, the "doctors" thought it best to take the entire hand off, leaving the child with a small stump beyond her elbow. Questionable Integrity of the Dr's decision.
So, a husband comes and goes, as all ran from life's chores. The barns and home became battered with the flapping of doors, and further into despair Julie fell, under the torment of her brothers and family. Animals constantly dying, repairs left to be made on the home. Sabotaging farm equipment- draining the oil from engines, to be burnt up during times of use. Always costing Julie and her parents- her Mother.
Eventually, 18 rolls around, and Jen gets 90 grand for some kind of injury settlement and flees the home for the west coast of California- just like on television! She returns home with a drug addict for a boyfriend, and an addiction.
About 27 years ago, Julie decided to purchase a new home, having a modular home brought in and set on a foundation she had dug and poured. From the very beginning, Julie was pooling manpower resources from a town poisoned against her due to the gossip of the brothers.
The persons involved in the excavation, septic and foundation sabotaged it from the very beginning. The sewer was never tied in to the sump pump. And, the grading was higher than the access panel, making the crawlspace to always have a water issue. It is almost entirely clay. And, I think they set it too low to begin with....
The persons involved in selling her a home sold her the worst hunk of man-made crap they had to get rid of. There was never, ever any person involved that was advising Julie in any way but for who to make the checks out to. Not One Person Was Looking Out For Julie's Best Interests OR The Best Interests Of The Family Foundation as a Whole. The only WHOLE involved was the HOLE the kept directing her to throw her money into.
Jen, on the other hand, had her own interests percolating. She was intentionally drawing on negative forces to punish her mother, always with the accentuation of the injury. And, never making it point to use any kind of prosthetic. I believe, as a way to bow out from responsibilities. Anyway, any time anyone ever offered to help make the house nice, it was only a guise to get Julie to crack open the wallet. As soon as they got the materials, motions were gone through to make it appear as though the changes were being made but when the dope they wanted was gone, the job was left in a shambles with the materials left to be destroyed over time. The tools purchased for the variety of jobs were suddenly nowhere to be found, and so on went the destruction. Jenny was fine with living among it, and fostering it along. Never doing anything to stop the exploitation of her mother, and doing everything she could to exhaust her while doing token deeds that appeared as though she was struggling to "keep up" with things.
When Jen had a child out of wedlock, she used it as a tool for manipulation of her mother- threatening to take the child away to hide. On and on the threat was imposed. And, over time, Julie adapted to surviving in the imprisonment of tortures- locking herself away in her room- her prison cell, where she hid in her fantasy world that she created for herself. Between watching her favorite soap opera, writing romantic tales of seeming fantasy relationships, and drawing affection from the animals and livestock...she wished to die, and waited. 10:48 am 11/30/2021
10:58 am Just lit a cigar, remembering the horrid scent of sebum that competed with cat urine, as Riley takes his watch post on the back of the couch- center of the picture window. Insulated cups are nice when you are multi-tasking your mind. Nothing compares to that one tiny satisfaction of a hot beverage when your intently working and have no time to enjoy anything... anything but the enjoyment one finds when they make a game out of their tortures.
This morning I purchased very special gifts for Julie. In the last couple days, Rubies have been brought to my attention... After yesterday's snooping around stores with Riley, I went on Facebook marketplace...only to find EXACTLY what I needed! It is a Sterling Silver Bracelet- center stage is a large Opal, surrounded by RUBIES! And, after looking up what they mean, and what they are spiritually valued for... They are Rubies and Opals from the very Angels themselves- maybe even from Micheal! You just never know.
The bracelet offering is symbolic, and at some point I will care to explain myself. Now is Not the time.
SO, animals are always dying- causing for Julie to always need them to come to the rescue of dealing with them. Jen is bringing stray animals- cats mostly, back to Julie's imprisonment. Mom is sitting in a chair day and night with a pad and pen calculating and balancing the checkbook!!!!! Julie is working, day and night, to generate the financial demands, and never gets any time to care for herself in even the smallest of ways. Her festering boils are the only bonding time she and her daughter spend together- oh, how convenient to be so needed, and so submissive, to her poor, lonely, love and emotion starved mother.
My intervention- when we met:
Having plans on a clean and quick getaway, I phoned Julie to come to my aid- after having developed a friendship with her. We met on Tinder, and she came to see me a few times after having extensive conversations on the phone. We talked a lot about kids and family. She introduced me to her only grand daughter, Peyton, through phone calls. I'm a sucker for old dogs and children...
After meeting, oh I don't know off hand...maybe four times- I ran into a more than serious problem where I was being exploited and abused.
There was a handgun in my bed, attempts to ship me and my savings of 20 grand to some "friend" of his- under the guise that I was going to have a great time in Mexico for a while. There were sexual extortion attempts, influence to consume alcohol instead of see my doctors, mandatory keto diet, profiteering, abduction type situations. There was about 5 grand missing from my stash... There was financial exploitation all the way around.
Calling Julie, I set up my plans to get all of my belongings out of the house while everyone was at work, get a motel room to regroup, and then somehow employ my 15 grand savings I had left, into a success somehow. Maybe get my business back. Anyway, she didn't bat an eye or ask a question- immediately falling in with my needs.
Once at the hotel at the end of the first phase of the mission, we shot a video on surviving in a hotel/cooking in a crock pot. It was very enjoyable to put on a show for her. I put it on YouTube.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aRBAjK9fu9M&t=306s
At some point, I decided to be friendly with two guys who were sitting in their doorway on the upper balcony. They were smoking and drinking. We chatted, and they offered me something to drink, which I did. Well..., later that night I blacked out. Julie said that I was in the bathroom trying to repair the tub. In my mind, I was at work. It was as though I was sleep-walking, and my behavior frightened her so much that she had decided to herself that she was done..., but the day after, we had a serious chat where I won her heart back.
That night, she broke down and shared very personal things about her life at home. The house was in danger of burning down, from what I clearly understood! The outlets were catching fire, and no one would come to fix a single thing for her. The police and animal control were always being called because the fence was always being... disturbed, let's say. At the thought of reading the article in the paper, about how four women died in a house fire- I instructed her that she was taking me to the home first thing in the morning.
In the morning, we loaded the car and checked out. All I kept thinking about was how I was "rufied" and almost robbed! After all of the stuff people had done to me, how could I have been so stupid Julie's home gotta go. 11:24 am
1:34 pm Just opening my book to continue trying write. the dog is viciously acting while yanking a plastic hotdog in my hand, occupying him so she can relax after work. I type with my right hand as I can.
The coffee should be finished soon, having made it after coming back from getting cigarettes. Several moments ago, I dressed for the wind and rode the long way to Watson's Shell to get 3 packs of lucky gold one hundreds, and a 12 pack of near beer. Realizing I had no wallet, I left the cashier to return in a few minutes. I had felt my left side- to see if my wallet was in my possible sack before I left the ship. It felt like it was there but clearly was not. So..., Julie and I laugh about me not having it, and I go back out.
At the store, I realize they are completely out of Old Milwaukee Non-alcoholic beer so, my plan is now to get the smokes and then hit Kroger where they know I'm watching them. My bank card is not in Walter. It's still on the desk, where it was laid after getting it out to buy Christmas presents for Julie. Anger tries to take over but I snuff it out, resolving to be in control by using the cash to buy one pack and go immediately back to the safety of our Ship.
Julie and I laughed at that story together, while I threw one more pot of coffee together. Now, I am testing things by seeing how much writing I can get done before there is another interruption or disturbance.
This is where I go back to explaining the story on my involvement with Julie's, and how we became to be so close.
Arriving at the house- the farm, three years and one month ago-
The house was a lonely looking place. The immediate focus was on looking at the damage and evidence, which caused for me to reach for the phone and start dialing numbers. The Power Company came out, reporting an issue to me directly. An Electric Company responded quickly to my calls for emergent attention. Almost every detail was documented in a yellow legal pad that I salvaged from the fire! The insurance company said to save it but I always save My Notes. 1:51 more to be added when I reflect on this.
The very moment I arrived, I had opposition from Jenny. Julie never had any intention of me ever seeing her reality. I was not supposed to be anything tangible, only a momentary salve for her human needs.
When the severity was realized, I had Julie take me to where family could be presented with a dire communication for assistance of any kind. Any man available for fifteen minutes even! I begged them. 1:54
2:04 pm I began accumulating everything I could, as documentation need to defend this woman from all kinds of crimes. There were 6 or 8 dogs, six in the house. There was 12 cats, most in and out of the house. There was a pot bellied pig running loose in the yard, destroying over 50 years of labor to create. There were 3 ponies and 2 horses. The barn they had for shelter was a cobbled up mess, and an utter waste of the money and resources used to build it. The back of the house made up for one portion of retainment/fence, and the manure was in a trodden muck heap about three foot tall/deep. No one was caring for the horses beyond dumping a round bail in the area, and water. There was a rabbit in a hutch. There was what seemed like a wild dog, in a very crudely fashioned fenced in area. The house was cluttered with every kitchen gadget ever sold on tv, with counters piled high. The kitchen was also the mudroom into the house. The dogs were all severely depressed, as were the horses. These animals began receiving my attention immediately. I bought grain to treat them, feeding them and talking to them while doing what I could to go through the motions of brushing them a bit, in order to show them the care they were oriented to receive. They responded to me right away. The same with the dogs.
The first time I offered input/correction/criticism was when Jen "helped" by emptying a way over used cat box. SHe dumped it in the field, in the wrong area first of all. Then she brought it right back in the house to put more litter in. Never considered to wash it first, which I pointed out. It was not long after that, that she removed herself and child from the household- leaving grandma for me to care for now that Julie was at work, and I was left to deal with the nightmare.
It wouldn't be long before Jen talked Julie into her need of mom to take peyton to school etc... which meant that she needed the money to cover her extravagant lifestyle. WHile the house was a cat piss soaked health department nightmare, Jen's little fantasy land in her room was perfect for her leisure. Her and Peyton shared this room, with air, television, internet and conjurings. In the meantime, Peyton's bedroom was a storage room for junk, kids toy debris, and the return boxes for all the stuff bought as offerings of peace to Jen.
Mom had no room, sleeping and occupying a lounge chair full time. I'm overwhelmed, and need a break. 2:18
4/26/2021 6 weeks sober for further training for the future. It's now 2:34 pm
https://www.facebook.com/zachery.polk/videos/10226115899514731
While applying myself to every detail I could, thoughts of salvaging Julies investment was my only concern. I sorted out everything that could be sorted, while taking inventory of all tools and supplies available for the needs of the property. At some point, after exhausting the phone book for people to come and give me estimates and ideas...no one responded, leaving me to thumb through the local paper.
A handyman ad was my only choice, which I refused- saying, "I'm the goddam handy-man! I need a pro from around the area, not a frickin handyman." Finally calling him out of desperation, he came out right away. Ed brought his wife, which shopuld have said something to me, and did but I was focused on the house next door. This was the original home purchase, placed on a full basement. The well is in this house, with a line running across the property to supply Julie's double wide modular. The basement has two feet of water in it, and is fully furnished- complete with electricity that is hanging here and there, creating huge issues. The house is being used as a storage barn and has been dwelled in and rummaged through over the years. There is ceiling falling down form the roof needing to be replaced- and was worked on at some point but just enough to keep dope money flowing- left unfinished and in ruins. You can see daylight everywhere- eaves, walls, windows and doors. The window is falling apart and letting all of the weather inside to cause further ruin.
Quickly, this building was gone through, inventoried, packed back up and organized, and all trash removed and burned. Same with the garage- packed full of junk- tons and tons of money wasted. Tons of plastic kids toys- excessive amounts of materials and waste. I rescued a treasure- a bible still wrapped up in the cellophane from the early eighties.
Before Ed left, he gave me a quote of 60 grand that I had to pay up front. After scoffing, and explaining a few details about myself, he offered me a job at 25 dollars an hour. And, because I had no allies or a buffer but for beer- I gladly accepted the job helping put an addition on the back of a two story for a widow in Hicksville, Ohio.
Long story short, he walked off the job around Valentines day. The claim was filed against him which included my name. All of the tools I purchased in order to take over the general position, were taken from me by the property owner. No one ever asked me to come to court, no letters, just word of mouth from Ed. I have yet to re-address this. Not to mention, I also bought a dually diesel truck to get the job done. Thousands and thousands I spent- losing my entire savings here. Now, I am drinking myself to death, having acc;aimated to the environment- the reality that Julie was suffering in. Now, I too was trying to die. 2:57
7:21 pm Julie has been in bed for about an hour. After putting the bike away, I reviewed the 420 show for notes. Riley needed some play time so, I threw the opossum a while, and gave him a little hand battle. He's tired for now. With the Travel channel in the background, I decided to return to my efforts with writing something useful.
So, Ed gets sued for fifty grand, and I lose all my tools that he talked me into leaving on the job the last day we worked there. It was so nice, for a moment, thinking I'd found someone worth knowing when I really needed a man in my life to help me think. My hopes were that eh would assist me in some way. Julie and I had spent Thanksgiving with him and his wife, at his house in Defiance. He painted out some imagery of a family, and hinted at going to the casino. Casino?! I thought. Hell, I'd love to pull a few slots and see since Jenny got me started on it. It was a go, and I loaned him some money. At some point that evening, before the casino idea, he had given me an old leather bikers jacket that he said didn't fit him anymore. All it was, was him stroking my ego in order to soften my wallet up. We took pictures that night, one I used recently while wearing that jacket- up against the bars outside of the casino.
If I recall correctly, Ed was in my pocket for $900.00. The truck was 1800 but when the kid said he was selling it for his court battle relating to kids, I gave an extra hundred. $1900.00 for the truck, plus the nails guns, compressor, all the levels- every single tool needed to build a house. Remember, I had 15 grand to start with, plus my social security of almost 800 a month. Then accumulated time on the job, AND the lawsuit which seems to be half mine???!!! We're talking 40 grand. Yeah, and I forgave him!? Yet, he has never offered me a dime or any form of compensation. My intuition says he blew the money she gave him for the addition, on a gambling streak, especially in light of the fact that he was a captain or something, at the AMVETS, where he got me in at. He made particular mention of the books you sign in on to place gambles on the pot to win. Some people know what I am talking about, here. There is more to the story, like his right hand man on the project, whom was supposed to be MY Boss, being a serious meth-head. He started hocking tools to me the moment I met him. I video'd the jobsite- featured on my youtube channel "out of the frying pan" series.
Now that the dead end was found with Ed, I was back at full-time occupancy of Julie's disaster of an existence. The Red Green Show kept me from killing myself for a while, binge watching the shows for days, after having cleaned out all of the trash, and consolidating the clutter in the rooms I could work in, as I continued on switching out the old outlets and switches along the way. The smell was so bad, at times I had Julie take us to a cheap hotel room to sleep.
When I inventoried the house next door, I earmarked things to repurpose in order to create a mind-space for myself; I needed an office. Once I had the room together, it was easier to navigate through a day. Before the room, I had become to merely lay on my side of Julie's bed- watching television and drinking beer. The cans and trash accumulated to a pile so large, I had no choice but to clean it up. Things went on like that for weeks. Finally, one day, I couldn't take it anymore with Jenny's dictation, and I had to do something about Socks.
Socks was a pitbull/great dane- buckskin and white, with white socks on his feet. He was severely abused by men, and no male subject could get near him. All this time, I had taken over the duties of seeing to the animals needs on the property. Socks was the last one to focus on. All of the dogs had bounced back to life, and I rid the property of six of the cats. It took almost a whole six weeks of conditioning before I could get inside the cage with him. It took another two weeks before he allowed me to touch him. We had fought. Once I was able to give him touch, I was becoming more hopeful of his recovery. After a few days of him allowing me to touch him, I marched him right into the house, threw a chuck steak on the Foreman grill, and I kibble trained him with it that day. I WON! He was my boy from there on out- him and Hercules, which takes us to the other pitbull that Jen left behind to be cared for.
Hercules was a very handsome boy, they both were. Socks was equal to him, and seemed even like blood- having the same colors in their coats but Hercules was special, he was still a pup. Story was that Socks was two years old, and that Hercules was almost a year old- this is at the time I arrived. They both shared the same "kennel" area but Socks was left outside in the cage like a prisoner- receiving absolutely no attention aside from being brought food and water inconsistently. These dogs both got worked with every day, throughout the day, as they should. When I walked the dogs, surprisingly to me, Socks walked on the leash like he had done it all his life! Socks spoke a great deal to me, and we all three became close. They insisted on sitting with me, no matter where or when. They slept on me in the bed, and followed me everywhere.
Well, one day, I decided to put them outside- all of them since I was working and they were all right smack in the way. I tied socks out on the cable affixed to a steel fence post in front of the driveway, by the front corner of the house. Jax, the Shitzu, was a young pup of a dog. He insisted on playing and antagonizing the other dogs to play the chasing game. WHen I had put them out, I noticed the spring clip not in proper working order. There was little I could do about that. At some point, the antagonization got Socks to jumping around, to the point where they got unhooked at the fence post. SO now I've got a pack of six dogs running wild up and down the road. 7:59 pm
I'm not sure how I managed to get the dogs back, it's all a bit of a blur right now- there's so much to the stories. It's now 9:19 pm. I've been entertaining Riley and puttering around in my thoughts.
Well, the neighbor calls the police- again. Animal control shows up first, then the sheriff's deputy. She (animal control) has dealt with the animals out here numerous times. The homeowner is home, and has several dogs in a pen that he lets out routinely. They are not pets, they are more for hunting. They stay in the pens, talking across the road to our dogs. Socks has his adrenaline rushing through his veins and is wound up. I cannot get control of his because there is now too much going on. He is very fearful of the homeowner, and supposedly nipped at him. I didn't see this ever. Anyway, deputy decides to shoot the dog with his taser but socks is too quick, and his coat doesn't allow the one barb that hit him get through. My disbelief over the officer trying to taser the dog infuriates me. "Just back the fuck off, get back in your cars, and you in your house, and allow me to get control of him!"
When they finally allowed me to take control of MY animal, it was easy to get Socks to retreat with me- following me right in to the garage of the old house, where I pulled the door down, shut behind me. He was contained. Now, back to the authorities...
When it was all said and done, the officer handed me a ticket for something like $145.00. Choking it down, I smiled and said, "Thank you very much. Have a nice day!"
Yeah, he must have had a nice day because the next day...he came back with another goon. They had a paper saying that they had to take Socks in on a dangerous dog citation, to have him euthanized. Julie was the one whom answered the door. She lost it, and I came running to her side to see.
After pleading with the officer, they agreed to allow us to take him in and surrender him to the animal shelter- a no kill place. Okay, fine. So, later that day, we took him in, only to be charged around $70.00. I was very upset, and of course I had been drinking. It was my responsibility to defend him- pleading with them to understand him and his needs. I broke down bawling. For what seems like an hour, I explained everything to them. It was tearing me apart inside, that I had failed him- betrayed him. Before I left, I was promised that I could come and visit with him any time.
It was two weeks later when I went to visit Socks. It took me that long to get over what happened, what I had done to him. Taking some meat treats I had cooked, I wrapped them in tinfoil, putting it in my coat pocket. It was about 4:30 when I got there to see him. As soon as I got inside the door, a young woman went quickly into her bosses office- bringing her out. They seemed to gang around me, and I felt the tension without a doubt. After several minutes of conversation, refusing me to just go see him, I became agitated. They kept flapping their yaps about nothing. I noticed the sign on the wall that said it costs about $250.00 for a dog. Keep in mind, I had been all over social media trying to find him a home in the weeks before, and had a couple people interested in him. Now I am really upset.
Throwing my head back, and standing tall, I exclaimed, "You promised me I could see him. They euthanized him, didn't they?! I'm rrrrready to start shootin!" And then, I looked at them through gritted teeth, while thinking the worst things. Julie and I turned around and walked out.
Around 8 pm, a couple thugs dressed as sheriff's deputies, came knocking on the door. Julie answered it, and called for me. When I got there, I was thankful that the cameras for our blink security system were active- plus I recorded it on my phone. They began interrogating me on the porch, asking me what happened etc... They kept on and kept on, trying to manipulate me, becoming intimidating with their presence. They were specifically trying to get me aggravated- to provoke an aggravation. When I began to express authority of my self and my explicit communications, they turned me around and arrested me. I was arrested for "aggravated menacing," which mean that they asked me the time, to many times, and they didn't like it without the sugar coating. I can't wait to piss in their face with my exploitation of their deeds.
So, I get booked and shown to a cell, and released the next day. They scheduled a court date, which I missed, sending a guy out to scoop me up and bring me to court. They had all been there, waiting for me. It was not an intention to miss the court date. There was no confidence in getting my mail, having a P.O. box in town.
After presenting myself to the judge, they hand out a sentence where they said they were suspending everything. I ended up doing 30 days, and then put on paper for three years. Greg Harter is my probation officer- son of Julie's best friend. They went off to college together, having played in the band together in school etc... Secretly, I reached out to her for guidance on how to go about handling affairs the best way possible. I wrote a blog entry about the incident with Socks. It's called, "Gimme yer Socks" or something like that. 9:51 I need to read through this and jar my memories.
Escaping The Despondent Sea is available on Amazon Kindle Unlimited, and is receiving 5 star reviews on Goodreads.com
