Love

The thing about life as a person who has been abused... it's hard. You want to belong to someone so bad, You want to have someone to hold, you want to have someone to love you. But the thing that you want most of all is to have that person be sexually strong with you- a true partner. A confidant that you can be unabashed with. It's so important. It's important but seems so selfish. I can't help it but if it is selfish.... well I am sorry. Sex is a necessary thing for me. I need to have it to feel whole. I need to have it to feel complete. I need it to feel human and to live. It is a HUGE hunger within
 me. Everything about it is a drive that I can't help but to chase down.
I want a woman to touch. I want to put my hands on her and feel the heat from her body and for her to feel the heat from my hands radiating through her. I get so turned on by touching my woman- by rubbing her and massaging her skin. But mostly, I get turned on by someone loving me back in life.

The Sands of Time... And Great Controversy part of 41 pre ludington

Sometime since buying a hunk of trash in January 2017, my "friend" Scott came over one night to hang out and have a few drinks. He has been working at a restaurant for one of my friends family, "The Gilmore Collection". He had been getting ideas from the Chefs there, and wanted to show off his understanding of Culinary skills in my "kitchen"... so, I let him.

Having just bought some beef stir-fry at, Meijer, I directed him to it and my electric wok. Having sesame and coconut oil, I turned him loose. He began asking me for spices so, I threw all the scraps of everything I have in my possession, one item was an old can that said Curry Powder.  I thought the can was left in the trailer, saving it for the antiquity of it, never opening it.

Later when I tasted the dish, it had a peculiar texture- gritty. I began to wonder if it was the spice grind. Opening the can, I discovered it was sand! How in the? What in the? Who? Wh...? I was baffled. My first thought was that the sand was from a foreign land of significance- Normandy? The can appeared to be of that era. I was disgusted with having lost the food, the waste of energy, time, and Scott's "cooking" Not even tasting ingredients before using them...

Anyway, I grabbed the can and began pouring the sand in the trash but Scott stopped me and said I had to keep it because it was part of the story. So I dug the sand back out of the trash, what I could salvage. Days later a girlfriend came by and saw the can, saying something about leaving it here and that it was her sand.  Then she reminded me that it was sand from Jerusalem, when she had the chance to visit.

That was how I came to ingest the sands of, Jerusalem, a land of great controversy.