Hello- Please answer me. edited 1-28-2019

Hello World.

How are you THIS evening?

Everything good with you and yours?

 or are you bent out of shape

cuz you're stuck with the chores?

Are you on hands and knees

a'scrubbin the floors?

Chopping wood all day long

and to chat, you're too sore?

Looking through the neighbors windows

 at something exciting or more?

 Are you so hungry, you're eating

saved up apple cores?

Or did you start drinking early-

passed out on the couch?

Or watching Cd's of sesame street

- oscar the grouch?

Okay, I'm bordering crazy

so this message will stop.

Just got home with some groceries-

got my own top to pop.

Maybe you'll go round later?

Or come to a halt?

From 1000 miles an hour

to an absolute stop?

I'll be around..

if you'd love to talk.

I certainly would.

I Love You.

A Visit: My Guardian Angel

(this is going to be in the sequel ... and I am unmarried)
It was 12:36 in the afternoon of the 3rd of September- the day before Jen and I would be celebrating our 6th year anniversary, when I received a visit from Danny. I had just been contemplating, out loud, about an idea that I had involving the teachers and students across the country. 

      There is a picture of my grandpa Lindner in his hunting clothes cleaning a deer he had shot. I placed it there in view recently but it’s always been a special picture in my daily view. He is smiling a wild smile and I wonder if it was me, the oldest grandchild, taking the picture for him. I turned to Dan’s picture and asked if he planted the idea in my head about the kids writing parodies about their teachers- making a remark that if he was here we would help put this plan into action. It felt like an idea he would be in on or help come up with. Looking at his picture, I stated how he looked really good in it and how he probably hoped that this would be the one photo that we chose to remembered him by. I returned to my desk and began to work. A gooseflesh type feeling washed over me slightly as his spirit manifested. A cold spot in the room- not a cold breeze of the wind but a cold sensation washed the left side of my face. I asked if Danny was there and the hair-raising feeling washed over me again. I asked more directly, “Danny, is that you?” As I asked this I stood up and asked again- and there it was again, a soft fuzzy electrical static type of sensation, and all I could see was golden light in my consciousness. When I stated that I could feel him there he wrapped his arms around my arms and ribcage and hugged me tighter and the golden color got brighter, as if to say, “YES, ZACK, IT”S REALLY ME! It was the brightest thing I ever felt.

      I shouted, “I can feel you! I can feel you Danny! People don’t believe me that I can sense this! I can feel you Danny!” and the constriction, again, became tighter and it was a throbbing pulsing sensation. He hugged me again even tighter and I began to cry in happiness. The pain in my heart felt so good- it was something that touched that orgiastic nerve we all share- like a full body orgasm more powerful than anything we have ever felt- or strive for as humans- sort of like when my children were born. 

     I could feel him talking to me-applauding me for the work Jen and I did in his names sake. I could feel him in my mind, his conversation- not the annunciation but actual sense of his statements. I could also feel another presence in the room but I was not able to identify who- a guiding angel maybe? I asked if it was James, Jenny’s father. I asked a few times, but got no answer.
     He said he loved the office- the royal blue desk covering- the images that we kept of him on the walls- and the blown up images of his paintings we have celebrated. I sat down a bit choked up trying to regain myself but like we were going to talk in my office but he said, “Let’s go out into the light.” I said to him, “Yeah. Let’s go out and I’ll show you around,”- walking out the door towards the barn. I could feel him pulling me to the right, which led to the wood shed and stove and I began to give him the tour. We checked out my plants and then we went into the barn- or I went in. I could sense him saying that it was darkness in there. “Yeah, I’ll open up the door and turn on all of the lights. He was proud of my shop and he was impressed with the life I had thriving in there- the machinery I was responsible for as a husband and a parent, and the motorcycle I purchased for myself to memorialize my accomplishments involving having brought myself back to life from the streets. He asked me if I had any wine. I sensed it was part of a ceremony marking a spiritual act or ritual of some sort. I also burnt a fragrant herb. 

    His conversation had a pulsing vibration as well, his voice fading out and then becoming clearer- like there was interference. I am pretty sure it was something to do with the steel building we were in. Or maybe it was because I am just recently trying to grasp onto my own ability.

While pointing out the different motorcycles and stuff he happened to notice the stereo- HIS. I had it all set up in a stereo cabinet that I had salvaged. He asked if any of our stuff was in it. I turned it on and started the cd player- playing him a cd that was ours. He stood near it for a few moments as we talked. I could tell where he was but I could not physically see him. I could feel him looking at me, our eyes making contact. I told him about the cd that Jen had produced, and then told him that we had met her on EHarmony. He laughed about that. I told him about how she was spending her own money entering our songs into contests before we even met in person, and how she actually loved both of us in a way. At that point I told him that through Jen falling in love with me with the added depth of the music to the relationship, he had gotten everything he had always wanted. We laughed back and forth about how she actually was in love with him and not me. We laughed good and hard about that and how they could film it in Chicago. He said that he’d try to steal her from me in the next life.

    We went back out through the open garage bay and stood in the sunlight. I could feel him hug me again, several more times.I asked him what it’s like there on the other side. He said that there is lots of light- no darkness. And then I asked about the music. He said, “The music sucks, the Hindi do all of the singing.” We laughed and laughed about that. I am sure he meant it as a joke.

    After some laughs and feeling the suns warmth together, he told me it was time for him to go.

He asked me to walk him out to the end of the driveway departure. After a few last words I felt the winds of change increase and blast their weight and lift against me- I could feel him let me go. And then there were two ravens coming from the east, soaring in the sky- the one leading a way and the other following on the breeze. One turned for south, over the treetops out of sight the other followed behind. Then one of them came back north from the tree tops, soaring on a breeze you could see the Raven bring it's wings in for sleekness and tuck it's head and neck for the speed- he was saying "Watch this, watch me dive on the currents", and then a turn back to catch back up towards the south... and with the tip of a wing he said, “Goodbye”. And at that very moment I could feel myself letting him go, just as he was trying to tell me that I needed to do. 

     As I returned up the driveway to my office in the lower level of the house, I pondered the feeling of all that had just happened trying to digest it’s magic, and the sight I had just seen when an angel spoke in my ear that you have to leave the door open to receive visits from the spirit world- all doors. They cannot come in to you if you are not open in every way. Alcohol, especially, destroys that energy.

With that thought I sit here reveling in the moment I just experienced, I feel revitalized- empowered and at peace. Something I had not felt before or at least for a long, long time. It felt like I just saw family from long ago that stayed with me for some time in my life to share space and catch up. I am pretty sure my grandpa Lindner was here too. It's just like him to be there observing and not say much. Our bonds were broken long ago- and because of that he needed to get Danny to help him. I am now refreshed and happy and I look forward to seeing Danny and my grandparents again- again on the other side. 

  

I am still trying to fully digest what exactly happened but today my horoscope said this: 

 You've got a guardian angel watching over you, 
so make sure that you're sufficiently grateful! 
You may not even realize what's happening until it's over, 
so keep an open mind.

I cannot deny what happened to me- and I cannot talk about it enough. My gal thinks I am manic and that it's a delusion. That's not the case. Anyone ever have this same experience happen to them?Or one similar? Write me and tell me about it so that I can better understand what happened to me.

Peace, Love, Care-

Zachery Scott Polk

"Love and loss"

 It was the first week of, April, when I got released from the Charlevoix County Jail, as a result of a failure to appear warrant.

The Sheriffs Department came to my office door about midnight or one o'clock, where they stood looking in the window, while I sat at my desk frantically trying to figure out, where our life went wrong, and how to fix it.

Apparently they saw me smoke some grass. They pounded on the door and shined their flashlights in the room. I immediately opened the door but that was before I had thought to go toss my weed in the toilet- weed that I should have been able to have legally but for the input from my paid care-giver, that I should, "stay off of the radar".

That only saved her from the expense of taking me to get the card and the time out of the day, which was a total inconvenience to her lifestyle of doing what she felt when she felt- mostly spending our time and money on all of the wrong things.

This was the greatest source of worry you have when you are partnered up with someone in life.

Anyway, the cops weren't there because I just wouldn't show up.

They were there because Jenny wouldn't put the truck in the barn, which in the winter is a big deal.

It was too far to walk. It was this. It was that. Every excuse in the book was used.

What happened was that she went out to go to work but was too lazy to scrape the ice and snow from the vehicle where it mattered the most.

The windshield wiper in the rear was froze to the glass. She turned on the wiper only to blow the motor in the rear window, which caused for the battery to short out constantly.

For about two weeks the truck battery was always dead but we... or shall I say, I, had no clue why.

Never in a million years would I have figured that one out. It almost cost us one grand total.

It cost me my freedom and a violation to my probation for possession of marijuana that I had already incurred since Jenny called the police to have me removed rather than hear of my complaints regarding, Siena, our daughter, only being grounded for one day from the internet after pulling my hunting knife on her mother over cleaning her room-
which happened to be my idea when Jen said that Siena wanted to have someone over.

My only request was that she clean her room accordingly to entertain a guest for the weekend.

Not getting me my card was the one move she had made to insure herself as the controlling majority- little did I realize.

Anyway, Jen loaded Siena up in the truck and drove her right to McLaren hospital, where she dealt with all of the exact same people that I had been interacting with.

The same bed, doctors, mental health people, all the same- each and everyone of them.

She was referred to a Psychologist who was to counsel Siena. Jenny managed to keep me out of the psych's sights until one day when I called his office and had words over my feelings in the matter.

He was surprised to hear that Siena had me in her life- acting as a father for eight years. I am curious how little of me he knew of. Apparently nothing at all.

The incident regarding my hunting knife was only a day or two after my coming back home from the hospital from a nervous breakdown caused by the stress from this household.

The very stress that I was paying Jenny to help me avoid since I have acute P.T.S.D. and a T.B.I. among other issues from the auto accident of 97.

Little did I know that the truth was that she had become psychologically contaminated by the materialistic women-
materialist and SINGLE women, that she worked so closely with.

This situation was forewarned to me by some men who had these very same problems with their women- wives or otherwise.

Well, I didn't listen but sure enough, she stopped taking, the meat that I smoked, to work for lunch- the very thing that caught the senses of every person there.

Animosity started brewing. Some disgruntle bitches had it in their minds to put a bit of a stop to anything good going on in my relationship but stubborn me, I fought it all the way thinking that I would win.

And in some instances I guess I did win because I am not in the relationship that I cherished so, and worked so hard to maintain.

How can that be seen as a win? Well, I have more money now than I ever did because it's not getting wasted- $800 a month social security not being given to the casino.

I no longer have to worry about anything other than what I want to do with my life- writing mostly.

The only bad part is that I no longer have the fantastic love-making that a person hopes for in a relationship.

The thing you always hear how it is supposed to get better but rarely does without a good partner.

Well, I had that. Now I cannot find a person that I feel that bond and desire with.
It seems I am now mostly impotent where before I was not... many times a day.

A large piece of me is unhappy, I think. And I wonder if I will ever again find a woman that turns me on so much-

Just the thought of putting my hands on her lit my fuse.
To perform a massage on her always turned me on.

And just the last time I was with her, to share time in this restructured mess, when we kissed- the wetness of her mouth, the undeniable wanting of her mouth on mine, I nearly had an orgasm.

I am afraid I will never have that again. But the good thing is, I had it once.

Love, Joy, and Pain- all go together.https://youtu.be/ufWxw8Y5h8g