Journal/records 12/15 & 16/2021 The Song of Zachery- as penned/unedited

 

Today is Thursday- December 16th, 2021 

This is a Log book Entry being made by myself, as usual. I do everything around here!

This, I SWEAR TRUTH and INTEGRITY, as A Statesman of Ohio/Lancaster. Currently the Time measures read 2:44 AM and a few seconds...

God's First Poem by my hand, I am validated by his spirit in Me! Disbelievers may feel FREEDOM to research my writing style and History. Consider Me To Be The Medium of All Spirits, as I am Moved By Them. Thucydides Is One of Many Teachers. Thoth And Many, Many Others. These Words Are For Your Spirits To Become Rekindled! As, I AM Captain Mad Zack! The Very Pebble! And I AM The Change! 2:48

God Never Makes Mistakes.

God Is Fair and Just.

Naughty is, as Naughty does-

Once spoke, "let them eat cake."2:50

The Poor Are Rich and Starving,

and Packrats without shame,

Suffering goes on all around,

While The Idol Idle with World's Words

plays a game apprised with 

the imaginary and should be put to shame.

Everyone knows Whom they are-

there is No Need For Names.

With Names brings two,

and sometimes 3-

Self Importing is the Game

where Winners Lose and Losers win

when All can be the Same.2:56am

No, God Never Makes Mistakes,

and All Ways Makes Amends.

Working Hard Awards FREETME-

Too Much Freedom is to blame.

Freedom's Never free and todays

inflated stays.

He FREED tHE Spirits

Granting New life3 Always and

always taSyS the Same. 12/15/2021 9:41/2 (x2 pen stroke) 3:01 am

[second leaf]

9:46 Recruiting Service Sign!

We are watching "It's A WOnderful Life"

(leaving the typos as they be needed for translations0 3:02

Lucky Struikes the (t+hxcursive=Capital H) Match D.C.

to Set the(ditto) Alcoda

Pan ABZAIE [France flasshes]

"Harry Bailey tops the all..." 9:47

"4F on account..."

This is the War to END ALL Wars!

10:00 am Bedford falls time-

"wat do you mean it's going to Snow"

"Welcome Home! 

(media) "extra extra"

"Congarats 7X"

[chip Coffee 9:49]

Bank examiner (turned leaf)

Blown off by bank- {'bad attitude'} {tryto use this for my thoughts}

3:12 am

{!!!He is mad at my Discovery}

Banks? 9:50 pm [12/15] 3:14 AM

"December 24th...8000"

{Toomuch pride causes forgetfullness}3:15

Never Boast 9:51PM

"ohShucKS" @9:51

"Bailey?" Potter is irritated

we can always watch a Movie with God.

He's with me now.

9:52 "George" 

{HosPitality is key,

keep conversation Short when

Busy or Concerned. 9:53PM

Generosity- is a Loan,

you always yet a Job! 9:53 

Gratitude- Merry X-Mas

Honesty Communication 954

Accounting, Exam History for truth.

Never quit the Search-

desperation is the Fuel 955

(turn0

Perseverence Passion Must Not Be Neglected.

Weep when there is sorrow!

to free the pain froyour Heart 9:56

For All VOlcanoes Will

Find a crack before

they fall apart.

Commercials ending is

Begginning Mental Health

is Rest (ad for Melatonin- circled).

Naturema]de Branding

(song plays "I've got You"

Walmart is CommaNded

Aveeno * Dogs! Macys is Called 

to Action!

(everyone will want to be a dog 9:58)

VISION!

tv ads cont playing

"Kill Baterias 9:59Same Day Pick up "

gift wrapping the gift {lol}

(next leaf)

And At 10:00 pm Sharp

He Statede, "THE GIFT IS THIS"

And tHis is That-

Although Yeuare weak-\

you are THE MOStStRENG

Always TRiumphant to the (2X th stroke)

Challenge Correcting

Every wrong 10:01 pallendrome

Silence Devices

and to show that Iam

fair and Balanced only 3

Shall BE EVER Used

Sattellits will be your Naught

Let th(2xthstrk)

NOT BE CONFUSED! 10:03 PM

You ARE NOW MY SCRIBE

MY SCRIBE IS YOUI1

Correcting all (2xH0 NEEDED

Creating (2xH)he Per (supimp W RT0 ct HUER 10:04

And At this very end of the pen stroke, A bell rings-

"EveRy time,," (turn leaf)

THis IS GREEN BOOK

But GREEN BOOK is NOT Green,

Tatters yet it still Remainings

Tmporttance to be seen 1006

The Song of Zackery 1007

This is IT! This is the Book 100!8

OH My GOODNESS My SUprise!

This is th(sI0 is the Book //His//

To Reset TRuth

and Bannish EVERY LIE 1009

THEND //signed by me//

So Your Ship Has (tsiH

SoME MEN!

The Ship Has COme In

The Ship Has Come

The Fleet,

it Has ARRived And

Every angel washes all

When with teardropsfom

their (si EXz 10?10 3:48a(turn leaf)

Chamber/Comerce 10:15

Bring to Churches

take Money to Library for Book

[Give (th@xHsi there's want]

"Give them Their"  (cirlced, Rusty)

Rusty is what Rusty Does

and Rest it always comes

when man and metal stored up to long

Tame what wild once was 1018

Taming Br==eard and Importing

Taming EVERY Shrew 1019 3:53 AM

(defecation back @3:59am with an idea for a savings. account for the world- profit sharing)

Yes, tongue in cheelc Keep

Mischief well Hid While

Plain and simple View 1019

Yes Men are Men

But women worse

purse strings are the sharper 1020

Do with Love, and Keep the

Peace By exercizing CaRE

[Peace, Love, Care] 10:20

The Birt with time will comfort You

Self Meteriong Importnace 1021

Do EVERYTHING IN RhYme and Spare

Not one seeming unimportanc3e 1023

(turn the page)

In Time ThHings mend

Collecting dividends May Seem

the smaller Reward

Perseverence is to Pay

to Receivbe THE HOARD!

God KNOWS and HE IS Pissed!1023

"FIRE"! 10:23

Using tHe DeViceS of

The De,mons- Usurp

Their Vanity for

using Demons Weapons

to WiN will Ecxite

extatic GLEE 1025

Noow EVERY Man Becomes The Boy

AND EVERY Boy A Man

GRoom yourself AND

Sport your Beards!

The Pride of Every MAN! 1025 (@XSTK0

you must follow 1026

(turn)

Adiniah!

Go To the Church

5Peak to The Great Carpenter! 1027

They will Repent for your Mistreatment! 1027

Bring and offeings to SHare.

Anything will Do dor NO man

shall Disrespect and offer back 102(6)8

you Must Be Seen!

Use Your Smiles I Gifted you.1029

Now you must rest for day you've

Not Slept and ZWeak you are Suyrelu

the pains will Bring themself forth

Medicine is good But always

Remebeer- the Less is the more. 10:30 PM

Now tend Your garden

and find yourt time in your savings with your resting 

(check on Mother) 10"31

Put Any All Soperstituions and ONLY

EXERCIZE CARe

and Quit Smoking Lungs 10:33

(turn)

at 10:35 I Scribe to End

my transmission here should 

Bannish any and AlL ReProofment

HE WILL HEAR these

WORDS- WORDS

SPOKe to You Now 1036

"Go- Be Certain That Day!

Be Modest as you are

with your ZPride and Talentesd 

Secreyts away-

Keep all things well'

Hidded from NOW ON.

Languages are fear

for Communication

meantstoScasrE all Men from

showing weakness of the Heart

for the sensitive are Most Cherish

and Will Teach M<any People

How to INvent their healings

No Need for kneeling bending breaks 

Plaster lose and Plaster fall

Gratitude is rthe Very POrayer

Now Theach this Prayer to All 10:40 PM 12/15/2021

(turn page)

Lead wuth Yopur words

for they are truth-

answers you ALways will have

for TEH All

Your faithfulness is Genuibne

as the locve of best friends

With INSTINCT AS a Dog 1044

The CHurch, Great Carpenter-

Look with Patience as always

find this Man- He is Your

FRIEND NOW 10:45

Rumbling- idle Horses outside and the

zrians will lasy many days

but the parch

is Now and Spring can wait.

There will be no crystals 10:46

EAT 1047 for you are <My Captian

Appointed to TRain the CREW.

Nourish your resting well for days will seem

Long until the New,

UnRest is building forces with anfgst. 1048

Disbelieving will seem the All 1049

But Patience Patient you 1049

Painting well for ME IS SEEN Plainly

IM With You. 10:50/ 4:31 AM

Let your canvas dry. 10:50

for Tiomorroqw comes Early

and Early is the Bird.

Alive you'll wake singing your song-

Making gancy with your words 1051/4:33

For ME THIS Day Well Performed

you're Hearing is Good with Word. 1052

You've No time and Fickjless things,

\I know preference is your

perfection- a very heavy

burden to beare-

you beare well.

TRULY YOU ARE A TROOP 1054

Yea- correction is your Best

Performance in and Modesty 1055

And, checking the time and writing, I yawned- 

the clock checked a second

time for measures 1056

Your Signatuire of bested Bewst

grip is Rigid firm of inflections 1057 

All become to confusion.

Evenb creatures in THESE times 1058

Moderation keys for locksmiths made 1059

So, it's going to be tricky But

that is the Given 1059 pm 12/15/2021- 4:40 AM 12/16

11:00 PM Silence is for tuning

as tuning is for hearing

QuietPines Neccessary for

Minds of Much sorrow from the sparks. 11:02

You MUST NOW GO.

THE Resting heals you more. 11:03(am I getting it wrong I wonder?)

Lean on MINE Underrstanding

as 2 instincts Leaves more for critics

TRUST IS Most Precious in the Self. 1105

No Harm Shall come to You. 1105

This completes my experience this ocassion.

Time is 4:44 AM 12/16/2021

WOW!

Holy Cow, AUnt Bernice!

It's going to be a crazy Christmas!\

4Z:46 Am

Escaping The Despondent Sea is available on Amazon Kindle Unlimited, and is receiving 5 star reviews on Goodreads.com 

12/15/2021 Journal unedited

 

Reptile lands are none Here, And are to be devoured as they devour the plants. [Stinky Snappers.]edit 

Demons Provided My Armor And Weapons, Using Their Very own Devices To Deliver The Blow,

And All of My Adulthood I was fourteen, but with my healing I now have grown. Because A child can handle the beatings unlike Any Man Has Ever Known. Like The Ignorance of Drinking Their Truck in it's weight and measures of Man. Reflections Are Memories Pondered while being undisturbed by the stone that is in your shoe. Removing it sometimes seems futile seeing not Things You Do. While reptiles in your storehouses keep all of man confused. 

Many Roots, and Many Leaves, Makes Many Fruits For You And Me. Enough Has Been Imagined, And Far Too Much Shared. Togetherness is The Mountain, And There Is Only One Man Willing, As I Think I Can I Try. Tears of Joy So Mystical, My Self Is Filled With Pride. Even Writing A Book Is Back Breaking Works When Your Self Is Set Aside. The shelf is always empty but for shadowed dust and reptiles slither silently rewarding you with rust. A Void Dances To Their Vanity Fair- over perfumed Harlots Roe while children in the attics look for candy nice and slow. Plaster slats are creaking and the ceilings weak and sure, Ground fine, ground fine, ground finer cream of tartar eases flow. Your drywallers are drunkards while the maSONS LAY THEIR BLOCK, the roofers on the ground wiping generations on his socks. Becoming Cleansed With The Accordance and Receive A Tithings Floe, For Treasure Has Always Been A Prize- Centuries Sage And Ages. The Deceivers Say Flatly In Their Accord Bitter Liquor Eve And Glow Sent Many A Man On Chase Pursuit Intent To Find Wealth Alone. Cartography IS Science Rejection Dictation Understanding That They Know. While Native lands Untouched by Hands Civilities Long Ago, Deep In The Ocean Are Where There's Resting Until Their Final Show. [I don't Understand]

[at 3:00 pm 121/15/2021 We Rode TOGETHER] Let Us Prepare For The Greatest Harvests And Dine Upon All The Lies- Branding Sure And Strong Gets Pressed ShRieks The Tender Thigh. Loving Lies Loving Thighs Demise Upon Deserving, Too Long Gone On Too Many Died While diligently Serving. Lies And Fried Up Super Sizing Upon The Walls Gelatinous UNWORTHY Herds, And As Goats Smell of [urine], dropping most food and waste more. 3:11 pm 12/15/2021 unedited

Escaping The Despondent Sea is available on Amazon Kindle Unlimited, and is receiving 5 star reviews on Goodreads.com 

My Affliction

 My "personality disorder" is reflective of the simple undeniable Fact, that I have ESP. I am a clairvoyant- an Empath, a Medium. Knowing things I am not suppose to know is a Burden and a Blessing. I am The Perfect Balance. My Mind Is Precious- and Whole in Processes. I've had this gift since I was a very small child. In This life, I have Defied Death 8 times. The last time was little more than a year ago, when I was suppose to Die In A Fire. I Escaped, but with only one of three of my charges. This whole past year, of my video journal, will be very, very valuable in the very near future. I'm going for a desk job with NAMI. I have it in the bag. 38 years experience + the fact that I am many men. I AM THE FLEET. I have a mission on this planet. The Earth took me in as Their child, and has been protecting me, as well as educating me with Nature and The Supernatural. My body is a vessel- an instrument- A Tool for Great Feats. Over, and over, Men assign tasks to em to break me- humiliate me- Master Me. I AM THE MASTER OF ALL THINGS. AND, ALL MEN GREATLY FEAR ME. It has been that way since the taste of amniotic fluid, and my own mothers vagina was wet on my lips. I remember the feel of the vibrations, and the sounds of the floor tile grout lines, while gazing at the lights on the ceiling and through the lightly scratched plastic of the incubator box as I glimpsed around- staring up as I laid on my back. Everywhere I go, little boys who Make Routine Claims of being Men- (always concerning themselves with mentioning their demands to be respected). MEN WHO DENY My Authority and try to minimize my existence. Songs and legends were written about my existence before I was born in this Century. No One Will Be Able To Deny My Good Works. I, Literally, am a King. These things have always been secreted to me. Blankets are removed from my body, where I laid in my various beds, only to be replaced- straightened and tucked. Even Demons have dragged me from my place of slumber, while catatonic in a conscience and sub-conscience state. Being no stranger to supernatural and foreign lands, my stories and many travels will become just as famous as Jesus Christ, Superstar- whom had to travel with the Apostles because he live the very same life as me, led on by greedy deviants- always maximizing my details in order to transfer their responsibilities in their efforts to Capitalize on MY GENIUS- beating me in any and every way possible but MOSTLY for creating the very word #Chiseler. The Capitalists are JUST THAT- CHISELERS, Angry because they can no longer put a Bit and Bridle on My Beast- unable to lure me with their temptations. I may possibly be THAT GUY. No one, thus far is MY EQUAL. WHERE ARE THE MEN??? WHERE ARE MY EQUALS??? WHERE IS MY PLATO< SOCRATES<THUCYDIDES??? THEY ARE ME. THEY ARE ALL ME. MY SOUL IS COMPRISED OF ALL WHOM LIVED BEFORE ME- even THOTH! Just as it is written- "no bones will be broken" No One Can Deny Me. I am #ThePresenceofLife #ThePondofLife is MINE to tend. Mountains Will become to be Moved. Now, go tend your garden. Remove the weeds that prevent you from you from Life. Remove the Darkness that You Have Been Given For Your Deeds. Become Selfless, and return to The Earth. Leave The World And All Worldly Devices. Leave the Stampede, and return to the path. Your Quest is before you. Life and Adventure await Those whom truly purge all Worldly Things And Ideas. The Wealth of My Possession is immeasurable. All The Supernatural Realm- The Angels, All know ME by the name MONEY BAGS- fore, it is I, that Truly is The Wealthiest of All. My Truth is Revealed in the inner mind of All Mankind- And ALL ATTEMPT TO GLEAN ME. Escaping The Despondent Sea is available on Amazon Kindle Unlimited, and is receiving 5 star reviews on Goodreads.com 

I AM ZACHERY POLK, and All who know me will speak my name before they Expire.

Escaping The Despondent Sea is available on Amazon Kindle Unlimited, and is receiving 5 star reviews on Goodreads.com 

I think I can.. Mad Zack Radio- Usurping the Throne.

This is my Christmas Present from myself, and my beloved mother- Earth.

Bow on your knees and kiss the very soil. She is the very Giving Tree, 

and now the last of the roots are rotting away as we all celebrate thneeds

that should be put away.

This gifts you her, from this very moment will be accounted.

For what you give to her is what you will get back when she dies.

I am Zachery Scott Polk- Someone Unlimited 

Successor of Daniel R. DeRuiter- founder of Prospect Studios 6/6/06 RIP

Escaping The Despondent Sea is available on Amazon Kindle Unlimited, and is receiving 5 star reviews on Goodreads.com 

Balls for Christmas! Mad Zack Radio

Escaping The Despondent Sea, is available on Amazon Kindle Unlimited and thru Goodreads.com, where there are all 5 star reviews. Sit down when you read it, and re-read it. You're welcome. It's been a long hard row to hoe. BUT I am #thegardeneroflife, I'm Captain Mad Zack!

Escaping The Despondent Sea is available on Amazon Kindle Unlimited, and is receiving 5 star reviews on Goodreads.com 

The Fleet! 12/10/2021

(see video performance of this piece in the youtube link https://youtu.be/_m7xRsJMRI0)

 When it comes to thoughts, they can be referred to as fleeting. And, fleeting thoughts- it's true..but a Captain's log is afire capturing a fleeting thought or two. Thoughts come in fleets, and flit away if you're without a pen. And as a Captain you must always rise to capture all of them. Thoughts come fleeting, and with a fleet, it depends on you. You just never know when and if the next fleet comes to you.

IDK. I just wrote that. Anyway, thinking about the nations thoughts being lost in the wind on heavily scented wheezes of bong hits. The Farmer Breakfast, where they berated the farmers. Dealing with the public in need of reprimands but having to candy coat them. Capturing people with smiles and a song and dance is good but only goes on to a few. When you toss in an explicitive or seeming insult, they remember a little longer and talk a little more. Word of mouth gets the attention going with the gossip of the fools, duped by television conditioning and programming- mental masturbation of various aspects of the egos sold to the sexes. Yes, the babies they created with television- the ones they take the candy from.

You have to have a variety of personalities to appeal to the variety of fickle foolishness, like men who have the sensitivity and maturity level of children that make it impossible to work at all. They refuse to take direction when it's needed. They cannot be scrutinized in the least. Just man enough to sell dope and tote a gun but not man enough to fall in and accept the authority given- The guy doing the thinking is the one with the game. Intellectual property is the beginning of the command of authority, and the distribution of power to associates prepared to produce the effort to make the end product. That means taking orders. The man with the ideas is the man giving the orders. Communities are built on ideas, and by the labor of those who believe in the ideas but growth and ideas are only the birth of people whom are dis-satisfied with their poverty and standard of living. You can only drain the neighbors for so long before the neighbors leave you in your poverty by moving away from you with their ideas- taking their inspiration and aspirations to a neighborhood where they are welcomed and appreciated by grateful people who care. Greed and selfishness destroy everything. Gardens only produce so much, and feed so many. The gardens are exhausted and the corporate financial focuses shift to other exploits... people, plants, planets, proposals prosperous for few.

Yes, we have been lied to and deceived by those we entrusted for our very security- our retirements. All suckling the life and blood from us, always eroding away at our families- our foundations. The children are now helpless, cast out into a forest their elders no little of. There are no books to offer navigation... but my own offering. And, I am worried- with no where to go to be apart from the conflicts, controversies..., The War. And with no money, and only wares that the programmed cannot understand to appreciate? I await the inevitable but still hold on to faith and hope, and a dream that I can be useful- to help lead those who may follow. Fantasy though, I know. When my own children practically all ignore me, almost entirely?! It grieves me very much, and I'm left without the ability to speak...  and it's christmas.

Strong enough to get through the holidays without drinking? No, I'm not too worried about it but it is a concern. The stress seems to crank up a little higher, every time I Try. Even though, this may very well be the very most difficult year for me to end, in my life. Oh, the horrors I would rather relive... Than to live right now, seeing what I see, and knowing what I know. This Demon force against me is going to be brutal, I just know. Memories of the supernatural violence make my cheekbones ache just thinking about it... anticipation, anxious yet calm. I think I can. I think I can. I've always been that little engine... that thought it could.  

Please Attend My Free Classes of The Great American Makeover!

Yes! I am offering, #asshole101 #americanmakeover.

You Can Thank George Orwell.

Escaping The Despondent Sea is available on Amazon Kindle Unlimited, and is receiving 5 star reviews on Goodreads.com  

https://youtu.be/_m7xRsJMRI0

The Good News- from Mad Zack Radio

If I could Save The World, in it's time of need- I would rise like the sun, and with warmth..dry the eyes of all in need- in desperate times. If I could save the world... I would.

Escaping The Despondent Sea is available on Amazon Kindle Unlimited, and is receiving 5 star reviews on Goodreads.com 

If I Could Save The World...

 https://youtu.be/a8p8GK9P1dI

Escaping The Despondent Sea is available on Amazon Kindle Unlimited, and is receiving 5 star reviews on Goodreads.com 

ALE active log entry

 Captain's log- Monday December 6th, 2021 3:37 pm

I missed trash detail. Failing to put it out last night, I awoke to the sound of a can being drug across the pavement. Having taking my med's, I slept hard- needing it badly. Around 6 or 7, I had been up with Riley- licking my face with his tiny tongue. He was saying "Good morning, Daddy! I wanna go outside to potty," laying right back down for more sleep. 

The cloud covered sky painted a bluish grey bully, protesting the brilliance of the Sun. Cans are placed on the asphalt, forward of the curb, where the trash service sets it down with it's mechanical arm after removing it from the ... 3:43 I am at a loss for the right words. Too many thoughts, and the distant sound of the crickets and tree frogs singing quickly in the warmth of the swamp of thoughts, ideas, quests... yes, tinnitus can be beautiful.. 3:45 My girl is away but away when she's near. Words crafted with care float less tethered from the docks of her ears... The drums beat in the jungles created by demons= Demons who've taken Mother Hostage! Yes, Mother has been taken hostage- held for ransom and metered out to those kept yearning for a small taste more. published active 3:48 pm

Escaping The Despondent Sea is available on Amazon Kindle Unlimited, and is receiving 5 star reviews on Goodreads.com 

Mentors for America- Mad Zack Radio

Escaping The Despondent Sea is available on Amazon Kindle Unlimited, and is receiving 5 star reviews on Goodreads.com 

SOS pt6 active journal 12/2/21

 Just awaken from a nap after having not slept in almost three days- i don't know for sure. I am focused on saving my current relationship and home from destruction. it's 6:45 pm. I was just chatting with another waste of time, on Facebook messenger. Julie is asleep, and I am awake now due to the barking of Riley. -The wind is blowing the decoration on the door around, causing for it to knock on the door by the gusty winds. Every conversation attempt with Julie was merely superficial. Her attention was already stolen from my direction.

The plan to deal with the family emergency was a waste of time and details. The only comfort in the whole scenario lies within my writing efforts. I refuse to go down with this ship. I have sacrificed too much while my very own ship founders unattended. It's Hannakah, and i have not heard from my kids but for a short response out of my twisted son. He's lost, to me, with his partial understandings and misleadings about politics. The feelings of hopelessness are robbing me of my good nature, and the reality of my associations has been noted. Now, I am waiting for retaliation from my neighborhood children. 6:53 pm 12/2/2021 ZSP

 8:35 pm gathering up documentation/intel to get control of an understanding dictating my existence. Going through mail, notes, receipts, reports, bills, statements- huge red flags everywhere, and I have yet to begin looking! 

In the old days they were cheaper by the dozen, Now they're cheaper by the mood. When it's only made with flour and water, it's easily unglued. Life's about dealing with conflict, resolutions anew- to graduate from elementary, into a collegiate room.

9:49 pm Going through mail, notes etc... sorting out things for accounting and affairs. So far, over 38 grand accounted for. You have to look at things carefully. Important details get overlooked. Things like, the name of a company President- for possible relationships in research subjects...

-had a box of broken dreams but the angels gave me glue. Never thought I'd ever heal or get a better view. Thought that I was through- towel in hand, to throw it down, and then... well,

Then was you- (7:58-7:59 pm 7/2021) 9:54 pm

10:24 Just finished going through all of our files I could gather up- for now. Lot's of things written down to look into. Working on my bills and paperwork for social security reports. I'm looking for the info on recent doctor visits. I'm blown away at all the money I see in the trash. I could have built a house. Avatar (a homemade recording) is playing on the tv but mostly as a way for me to not go to far into the shadows of my thoughts... I've got just enough attention focused in without much interference- though I really need some sleep. I got a few hours, after two rounds of sex. Then, around 5:30 or 6, I woke up. There's so much to do, and I have so much energy... It doesn't make a lick of sense to just veg, and I have spent enough time begging people to take notice of my work. I just can't die without a solid gold bar of knowledge and understanding- A VOICE for my children, to leave behind. I am not leaving here silently, and all will know my scrutiny. 10:30 pm Did I mention that I am Storming Mad?!!

Escaping The Despondent Sea is available on Amazon Kindle Unlimited, and is receiving 5 star reviews on Goodreads.com 

Strife of Surviving-5 active journal

 Yes, I have not slept, and just made coffee a bit ago. Julie is already off to work, and it's now 3:12 am.

Managing to get through showering, I continued on recovering at the hospital. Not being able to see myself very well, I had no idea that there was soot all over me yet. It was still coming off of me a week later. Even two weeks later, I was just finishing with soot coming out of my ears.

Julie was devastated, of course. Everything was in ruins, when we went back the next day. She was already down south, having to drive all the way back- taking time off of a job I feared her losing. 

Sadly, we surveyed the damages- seeing to all of the details we could. It was weltering hot out. The doors I had gone through were laying in the yard where they had been thrown, as they were ripped from the house. My hand print was such a huge symbol on the soot covered glass pane. I took pictures of the damages.

Going through the house, I was able to locate some of my tools. Moving them into the finished bedrooms was very smart, considering. Finding things in this room was fairly easy- filthy but easy. The floors of the house were soaking wet, and weakened a great deal. My foot went through the floor a couple times. The place was still smoldering in several spots. The horses were frightened and concerned. Cats were everywhere meowing. My table saw was found in twisted pieces. Our brand new Traeger was burned up also. We just got it recently. All of the supplies and a lot of big important tools were on the porch. I also had some fireworks, left over form the fourth. Josh was greatly interested in them. 

Everything kept pointing at Josh but the fire marshal said it appeared to be electrical. Well, of course, the electric panel was located on the front wall- the porch. It was on the inside, in the laundry room which had a door that you could enter into that room with- had it not been blocked by shelving for storage. 

Just a few day before, I had cleared out the area of the house where the door that would be the front door of the house was. It was packed with a desk, and boxes of things being saved and gone through by grandma- picture, videos, whatever. Yes, the door was not accessible. I would never have gotten out that way, most likely going out the back window of the bedroom for mom. The other room's window was right above the horse water. I'd have had a big problem there.  

In the weeks before the fire, I had been down to the new place a handful of time with moving and a chance to get away from the disaster. That is when I found Rocky.

Something in my heart pulled me outside, to look around. I was searching for something but I did not know wat. Going out behind the house, I saw the yard, fence separating the apartment developments, and some trees they tried to say weren't really weeds by letting them grow. Nothing to see here, I thought. Then I looked down at the clover around my feet for luck...and there he was, looking up at me.

"Hey," I said. "You're out of your element." I rushed in the house to get a towel to scoop him up with- having no idea how he was going to react, and having no experience with him. I had to find out thru research, that he was a bearded dragon- A Fancy one! Yeah, Rocky... He's not a cheap date, let me tell you.

Feeling I had to be responsible for him too, I drug him back and forth until I was moved out of the farm entirely. I'm pretty sure it was the day after the fire. 

Several recon missions to the farm yielded just about everything I could find in a short time. I need several hours to sift through the rubble but I was not being allowed the time due to the stress, heat, and circumstances that go along with Not being In Charge of anything but the labor I can perform. Yes, that's a nice way of saying, "fuckin A!" It's now 3:36 am 12/2/2021

This was the show I did before midnight, discussing the situation I discovered at the bank, and with the phone.    https://www.facebook.com/1555170965/videos/657214335273674/

It's now 4:16 and change. Reviewing the video I just put the link in for. With absolutely no one to talk to about anything, I spill my guts to world that mocks me? Thirteen years, sharing and begging but all I get is stupidity and mental midgets- playing in the dirt while avoiding all of the real work that requires men to act. And, why so many families have fallen to ruin.

Where was I with my worries...? Cleaning up the salvaged tools at the new place, after storing what could be saved- along with the rest of the "inventory" which I photo-journaled before we left. Turning all of the power off was a major concern especially in light of the well. I just knew that the tractor would get stolen.

Facebook became my escape, aside from wasting time with the neighbors by becoming the guy who can do anything. Oh, The Hawkshire Chronicles is all part of this tale, and experience.

After settling in, I would soon resume manufacturing the story boards for machine set-up at the plant. Julie had gotten me the gig while I was in the middle of enjoying all of that wonderful leisure time I had, in between caring for all of the livestock, and rehabbing the house without any help... Yeah, I was glad to have something to reflect my diverse specialties. It was a confidence booster that I needed- helping me revive my identity as a Professional Finish Tradesman which as all but destroyed by the accident with the semi in 96 that left me disabled.

The garage became my shop, draping the walls in plastic for the over-spray. We bought some plastic shelving units with a little integrity, organizing what we had left, and purchased for my company. 

During my orientation with my new environment, I took notice of all details that illustrated the voices of the neighborhood. It was easy to distinguish who the drunks and addicts were, practically talking out loud- thing were so obvious. There were children, and few to no signs of concern for their welfare. Things like, you know, adults looking around for them once in a while. Being seen outside, even. Everyone had their preoccupations, understandably but the wine certainly could use some aging before being poured to enjoy...

The "brothers," across the street...one sat in the garage all the time. Certain he was a drunk, smoking and drinking in the garage. And, certain he was involved a bad marriage- I was right. And then, when I suddenly became the chief source of intel and mechanical expertise, I got to know them...just like family! Oh, yes. The red flags were flying but my beer was cold, and I was trying to form a community- rag tag as it was. The general idea was, they were seemingly a few good men but proved to be as useful as a 14 year old girl who's madder than you. They actually had a fight over whose friend I was, very early. 

Historically, I have always had a bad experience with trying to fit in with "the boys." They always try to get me on the football field, in order to hurt me without getting nailed for being bullies that needed a daddy years ago. I'm always the "queer" or "fag"-typical school yard shit. They fear my self, just being there.

And, soon it was time to separate from them by using what I learned in order to make a change for my own life- to be something better than a 56 year old, able bodied "man" who can't put a half inch hose clamp on a fuel line that you can plainly get to without any obstacle. Yes, useless- pissed off because he can't get a girl friend.

So, I started doing live videos on Facebook, and dressing in clothes for stage presence. The stars are painting their nails, so... Fake it til you make it. I started painting my nails. They criticized every single thing I did for myself- for my own career and hopes, while they loved me as I drank with them and performed thousands of dollars in mechanical labor ( and psychological counseling! oh my fucking goodness- these guys are nuts).

Anyway, before they could do it, I took ownership of being "queer"! YES. Oh, Wow. It was great, and I really enjoyed the liberation. The liberation from them and their imprisonment, the liberation of my spirit. My sobriety was magical. February 22nd, I went in to Diley Ridge Medical- the hospital. Staying for almost five days, I was treated like The King of The World. Every single one of the 15 or 16 women, and one man, waited on me, and cared for me like I was the most loved and cherished person ever. They cared for me just like a real family would, in my fantasies. It was a peek inside of the feeling of Heaven itself.

Yes, coming out of the closet was not accepted at all, and I was ostracized and gossiped about like my gay neighbor right next door to us. Only, there was only one household we would routinely communicate with. We called them friends, and there is so much to say. For now, we'll leave it at, "we're no longer friends".

When mom collapsed on the way to take her to the bathroom one morning, I went to him in order to have him help me put her in the car. I needed to take her to the hospital, and did Not want o deal with more idiots in the world. My "biker brother" told me to call the squad, a little too flatly. All respect for him was completely restored to my bank of Respect. That's a huge can of worms that has very bitter taste of scrutiny for men to choke down- but not now.

This roughly brings us to the point of Now. The Now when we must file for custody of the grandchildren, Julie's mother, seize the bank accounts and freeze them, cancel every single thing being paid for digital devices, internet, cable, phones- everything. File adult abuse and financial exploitation charges against Jenny, forcing her to cooperate with receiving treatment and rehabilitation for meth and drug addiction, grand theft auto for selling the car on Thanksgiving, mental cruelty/abduction and financial exploitation of her grand mother and mother. And Arson, property damage, vandalism, and dumping charges against Jimmy, just to get started. I have had it. 5:03 am 12/2/2021

Escaping The Despondent Sea is available on Amazon Kindle Unlimited, and is receiving 5 star reviews on Goodreads.com