Thursday, December 2, 2021

SOS pt6 active journal 12/2/21

 Just awaken from a nap after having not slept in almost three days- i don't know for sure. I am focused on saving my current relationship and home from destruction. it's 6:45 pm. I was just chatting with another waste of time, on Facebook messenger. Julie is asleep, and I am awake now due to the barking of Riley. -The wind is blowing the decoration on the door around, causing for it to knock on the door by the gusty winds. Every conversation attempt with Julie was merely superficial. Her attention was already stolen from my direction.

The plan to deal with the family emergency was a waste of time and details. The only comfort in the whole scenario lies within my writing efforts. I refuse to go down with this ship. I have sacrificed too much while my very own ship founders unattended. It's Hannakah, and i have not heard from my kids but for a short response out of my twisted son. He's lost, to me, with his partial understandings and misleadings about politics. The feelings of hopelessness are robbing me of my good nature, and the reality of my associations has been noted. Now, I am waiting for retaliation from my neighborhood children. 6:53 pm 12/2/2021 ZSP

 8:35 pm gathering up documentation/intel to get control of an understanding dictating my existence. Going through mail, notes, receipts, reports, bills, statements- huge red flags everywhere, and I have yet to begin looking! 

In the old days they were cheaper by the dozen, Now they're cheaper by the mood. When it's only made with flour and water, it's easily unglued. Life's about dealing with conflict, resolutions anew- to graduate from elementary, into a collegiate room.

9:49 pm Going through mail, notes etc... sorting out things for accounting and affairs. So far, over 38 grand accounted for. You have to look at things carefully. Important details get overlooked. Things like, the name of a company President- for possible relationships in research subjects...

-had a box of broken dreams but the angels gave me glue. Never thought I'd ever heal or get a better view. Thought that I was through- towel in hand, to throw it down, and then... well,

Then was you- (7:58-7:59 pm 7/2021) 9:54 pm

10:24 Just finished going through all of our files I could gather up- for now. Lot's of things written down to look into. Working on my bills and paperwork for social security reports. I'm looking for the info on recent doctor visits. I'm blown away at all the money I see in the trash. I could have built a house. Avatar (a homemade recording) is playing on the tv but mostly as a way for me to not go to far into the shadows of my thoughts... I've got just enough attention focused in without much interference- though I really need some sleep. I got a few hours, after two rounds of sex. Then, around 5:30 or 6, I woke up. There's so much to do, and I have so much energy... It doesn't make a lick of sense to just veg, and I have spent enough time begging people to take notice of my work. I just can't die without a solid gold bar of knowledge and understanding- A VOICE for my children, to leave behind. I am not leaving here silently, and all will know my scrutiny. 10:30 pm Did I mention that I am Storming Mad?!!

Escaping The Despondent Sea is available on Amazon Kindle Unlimited, and is receiving 5 star reviews on Goodreads.com 


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