Strife of Surviving- 4

 After having gotten a great nights sleep, my slightly soggy bottom sauntered down the stairs to the galley. Julie had very recently gotten me a full size, electric drip, coffee maker. Yesterday, as I was cleaning the kitchen, I thought about the conversations we shared regarding my experiences with Jennifer- my most recent failed relationship. 

Once, I told Jennifer Rodriguez that, if she wanted to make me happy, "coffee." Meaning, just make the coffee sometimes. Well, what she ended up doing was getting me a coffee pot for a caterer. Now, IF I had any brains employed at the moment, I should have understood that as, "Make it yourself."

Anyway, Julie bought a well known brand unit- replacing the 5 cup space-saver pot we had on the all too cluttered counter. Attempting to conceal the many thoughts and frustrations, I shrugged and hugged as I let the basket of arguments roll off of my shoulders. She only Loves me, and I have become to Love her very, very much. I've studied her. I understand her. And, because of the sobering of my self in the multitude of ways I have... I can be That Man.

Julie has two brothers, Jimmy and Johnny. Years ago, Julie was capable of taking over the responsibilities of paying the mortgage. The brothers had a fit, and the fit has never been put to a stop. No one has been disciplined, and Julie has been terrorized in every way. 

When she went to college, she became pregnant. The child has never known a father, and all men that she has had offered to her have been less than Honorable- which is remarkable. When the child (Jen) was around 18 months, a 14 year old boy was mowing the yard with a riding lawnmower (or was horsing around unattended like the mower was a toy?). Jen must have had plenty of time to walk up to the mower and reach her hand under the deck, only to have a portion of her hand injured by the blades. Well, the "doctors" thought it best to take the entire hand off, leaving the child with a small stump beyond her elbow. Questionable Integrity of the Dr's decision.

So, a husband comes and goes, as all ran from life's chores. We will focus on them later, especially Tom, whom is now dead. 

The barns and home became battered with the flapping of doors, and further into despair Julie fell, under the torment of her brothers and family. Animals constantly dying, repairs left to be made on the home. Sabotaging farm equipment- draining the oil from engines, to be burnt up during times of use. Always costing Julie and her parents- her Mother.

Eventually, 18 rolls around, and Jen gets 90 grand for some kind of injury settlement and flees the home for the west coast of California- just like on television! She returns home with a drug addict for a boyfriend, and an addiction. 

About 27 years ago, Julie decided to purchase a new home, having a modular home brought in and set on a foundation she had dug and poured. From the very beginning, Julie was pooling manpower resources from a town poisoned against her due to the gossip of the brothers.

The persons involved in the excavation, septic and foundation sabotaged it from the very beginning. The sewer was never tied in to the sump pump. And, the grading was higher than the access panel, making the crawlspace to always have a water issue. It is almost entirely clay. And, I think they set it too low to begin with....

The persons involved in selling her a home sold her the worst hunk of man-made crap they had to get rid of. There was never, ever any person involved that was advising Julie in any way but for who to make the checks out to. Not One Person Was Looking Out For Julie's Best Interests OR The Best Interests Of The Family Foundation as a Whole. The only WHOLE involved was the HOLE the kept directing her to throw her money into. 

Jen, on the other hand, had her own interests percolating. She was intentionally drawing on negative forces to punish her mother, always with the accentuation of the injury. And, never making it point to use any kind of prosthetic. I believe, as a way to bow out from responsibilities. Anyway, any time anyone ever offered to help make the house nice, it was only a guise to get Julie to crack open the wallet. As soon as they got the materials, motions were gone through to make it appear as though the changes were being made but when the dope they wanted was gone, the job was left in a shambles with the materials left to be destroyed over time. The tools purchased for the variety of jobs were suddenly nowhere to be found, and so on went the destruction. Jenny was fine with living among it, and fostering it along. Never doing anything to stop the exploitation of her mother, and doing everything she could to exhaust her while doing token deeds that appeared as though she was struggling to "keep up" with things.

When Jen had a child out of wedlock, she used it as a tool for manipulation of her mother- threatening to take the child away to hide. On and on the threat was imposed. And, over time, Julie adapted to surviving in the imprisonment of tortures- locking herself away in her room- her prison cell, where she hid in her fantasy world that she created for herself. Between watching her favorite soap opera, writing romantic tales of seeming fantasy relationships, and drawing affection from the animals and livestock...she wished to die, and waited. 10:48 am 11/30/2021

10:58 am Just lit a cigar, remembering the horrid scent of sebum that competed with cat urine, as Riley takes his watch post on the back of the couch- center of the picture window. Insulated cups are nice when you are multi-tasking your mind. Nothing compares to that one tiny satisfaction of a hot beverage when your intently working and have no time to enjoy anything... anything but the enjoyment one finds when they make a game out of their tortures.

This morning I purchased very special gifts for Julie. In the last couple days, Rubies have been brought to my attention... After yesterday's snooping around stores with Riley, I went on Facebook marketplace...only to find EXACTLY what I needed! It is a Sterling Silver Bracelet- center stage is a large Opal, surrounded by RUBIES! And, after looking up what they mean, and what they are spiritually valued for... They are Rubies and Opals from the very Angels themselves- maybe even from Micheal! You just never know.

The bracelet offering is symbolic, and at some point I will care to explain myself. Now is Not the time.

SO, animals are always dying- causing for Julie to always need them to come to the rescue of dealing with them. Jen is bringing stray animals- cats mostly, back to Julie's imprisonment. Mom is sitting in a chair day and night with a pad and pen calculating and balancing the checkbook!!!!! Julie is working, day and night, to generate the financial demands, and never gets any time to care for herself in even the smallest of ways. Her festering boils are the only bonding time she and her daughter spend together- oh, how convenient to be so needed, and so submissive, to her poor, lonely, love and emotion starved mother.

My intervention- when we met:

Having plans on a clean and quick getaway, I phoned Julie to come to my aid- after having developed a friendship with her. We met on Tinder, and she came to see me a few times after having extensive conversations on the phone. We talked a lot about kids and family. She introduced me to her only grand daughter, Peyton, through phone calls. I'm a sucker for old dogs and children... 

After meeting, oh I don't know off hand...maybe four times- I ran into a more than serious problem where I was being exploited and abused. 

There was a handgun in my bed, attempts to ship me and my savings of 20 grand to some "friend" of his- under the guise that I was going to have a great time in Mexico for a while. There were sexual extortion attempts, influence to consume alcohol instead of see my doctors, mandatory keto diet, profiteering, abduction type situations. There was about 5 grand missing from my stash... There was financial exploitation all the way around. 

Calling Julie, I set up my plans to get all of my belongings out of the house while everyone was at work, get a motel room to regroup, and then somehow employ my 15 grand savings I had left, into a success somehow. Maybe get my business back. Anyway, she didn't bat an eye or ask a question- immediately falling in with my needs. 

Once at the hotel at the end of the first phase of the mission, we shot a video on surviving in a hotel/cooking in a crock pot. It was very enjoyable to put on a show for her. I put it on YouTube. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aRBAjK9fu9M&t=306s

At some point, I decided to be friendly with two guys who were sitting in their doorway on the upper balcony. They were smoking and drinking. We chatted, and they offered me something to drink, which I did. Well..., later that night I blacked out. Julie said that I was in the bathroom trying to repair the tub. In my mind, I was at work. It was as though I was sleep-walking, and my behavior frightened her so much that she had decided to herself that she was done..., but the day after, we had a serious chat where I won her heart back.

That night, she broke down and shared very personal things about her life at home. The house was in danger of burning down, from what I clearly understood! The outlets were catching fire, and no one would come to fix a single thing for her. The police and animal control were always being called because the fence was always being... disturbed, let's say. At the thought of reading the article in the paper, about how four women died in a house fire- I instructed her that she was taking me to the home first thing in the morning. 

In the morning, we loaded the car and checked out. All I kept thinking about was how I was "rufied" and almost robbed! After all of the stuff people had done to me, how could I have been so stupid Julie's home gotta go. 11:24 am

1:34 pm Just opening my book to continue trying write. the dog is viciously acting while yanking a plastic hot dog in my hand, occupying him so she can relax after work. I type with my right hand as I can.

The coffee should be finished soon, having made it after coming back from getting cigarettes. Several moments ago, I dressed for the wind and rode the long way to Watson's Shell to get 3 packs of lucky gold one hundreds, and a 12 pack of near beer. Realizing I had no wallet, I left the cashier to return in a few minutes. I had felt my left side- to see if my wallet was in my possible sack before I left the ship. It felt like it was there but clearly was not. So..., Julie and I laugh about me not having it, and I go back out.

At the store, I realize they are completely out of Old Milwaukee Non-alcoholic beer so, my plan is now to get the smokes and then hit Kroger where they know I'm watching them. My bank card is not in Walter. It's still on the desk, where it was laid after getting it out to buy Christmas presents for Julie. Anger tries to take over but I snuff it out, resolving to be in control by using the cash to buy one pack and go immediately back to the safety of our Ship.

Julie and I laughed at that story together, while I threw one more pot of coffee together. Now, I am testing things by seeing how much writing I can get done before there is another interruption or disturbance.

This is where I go back to explaining the story on my involvement with Julie's, and how we became to be so close. 

Arriving at the house- the farm, three years and one month ago-

The house once was cozy but now was a lonely looking place. The immediate focus was on looking at the damage and evidence, which caused for me to reach for the phone and start dialing numbers. The Power Company came out, reporting an issue to me directly. An Electric Company responded quickly to my calls for emergent attention. Almost every detail was documented in a yellow legal pad that I salvaged from the fire! The insurance company said to save it but I always save My Notes. 1:51 pm- more to be added when I reflect on this.

edit 6:15 12/1/2021 Speaking of insurance companies, I asked about insurance several times. And, had I to do over, I would have gotten renters insurance for myself because I told them it was a probable fire hazzard-repeatedly. Dear God, I wish I would listen to myself once in my life, rather than spend my valuable time sharing intel with people who do not care about me. Oh, yeah. I remember, I did when I quit drinking.

The very moment I arrived, I had opposition from Jenny. Julie never had any intention of me ever seeing her reality. I was not supposed to be anything tangible, only a momentary salve for her human needs. 

When the severity was realized, I had Julie take me to where family could be presented with a dire communication for assistance of any kind. Any man available for fifteen minutes even! I begged them. 1:54

2:04 pm I began accumulating everything I could, as documentation that might be needed to defend this woman from all kinds of crimes. There were 6 or 7 dogs, 4 in the house. There was 12 cats, most in and out of the house. There was a pot bellied pig running loose in the yard, destroying over 50 years of labor that it took to create. There were 3 ponies and 2 horses- Jake, Maggie, Pumpkin, Abbie, and Champ.The barn they had for shelter was a cobbled up mess, and an utter waste of the money and resources used to build it. The back of the house made up for one portion of the corral, and the manure was in a mucky trodden heap about three foot tall/deep. They could hardly stand inside of the shelter. No one was caring for the horses beyond dumping a round bail in the area, and water. 

One of the many things I made it a point to do was, cleaning out the barn of all the crap in it and making some form of stalls in there for them. They loved it especially since it had a floor. My routine was to take them grain in the evening, feeding them in there and spending time with them. I even sang and played music to them. And always with the attempts to brush them out. They were always muddy since the filed they grazed was grazed clean of any grasses that would grow from it. At some point along the way, I bought seed to plant and sectioned off the fields as needed. I grew up in the country, and have never ever worked as hard as I did on this property- let alone to pay money to do it!

There was a rabbit in a hutch, (which, interestingly enough- the rabbit was stolen by Julies Aunt right after Jenny ran off with her grandmother). There was what seemed like a wild dog, in a very crudely fashioned fenced in area. 

The house was cluttered with every kitchen gadget ever sold on tv, with counters piled high. And because of the problem with the electrical...there were extension cords, and those damn toaster ovens. The stove didn't work.  The kitchen was also the mudroom into the house. Cupboards were beyond disorganization, and the drawers were defunct- some housing cats. The floors were all sagging between the joists as though they were made of canvass, in places. And, in some places there were holes in the floor where you could see the dirt floor of the crawlspace. The belly liner was ripped apart in an area, and torn from the underside as though it had been full of water at one time, which I would discover actually did happen. [There's way more details to add.]

The dogs were all severely depressed, as were the horses. And, you bet your sweet ass, these animals began receiving my attention immediately. I bought grain to treat them, feeding them and talking to them while doing what I could to go through the motions of brushing them a bit; showing them the care they were desperate for and were oriented to receive. They responded to me right away. The same with the dogs. At this stage in my "orientation," I have No Love for a cat but there was one. That is, until I caught it pissing on my two thousand dollar computer screen.

The first time I offered input/correction/criticism was when Jen "helped" by emptying, a way over used, cat box. She dumped it in the field, in the wrong area first of all. Then she brought it right back in the house to put more litter in. Never considered to wash it first, which I pointed out. It was not long after that, that she removed herself and child from the household- leaving grandma for me to care for now that Julie was at work, and I was left to deal with the nightmare. 

It wouldn't be long before Jen talked Julie into her need of mom to continue taking Peyton to school etc... which meant that she needed the money to cover her extravagant lifestyle. While the house was a, cat piss soaked, health department's nightmare, Jenny had a little fantasy land in her room that was seemingly perfect for her leisure. Her, and Peyton, shared this room, with television, internet and her malicious conjuring's. In the meantime, Peyton's bedroom was a storage room for junk, kids toy debris, and the return boxes for all the stuff bought as material offerings of peace to Jen. 

I'm just curious how often she packed the vacuum cleaner head with fresh animal waste? The vacuums I used were evidence that they were used to clean up after animals. How many vacuums were purchased over the years? There were multiple vacuum cleaners in the "salvage piles" that the brothers liked making...

Mom had no room, sleeping and occupying a lounge chair full time. And, old folks and their old fashioned ways, she just kept putting a little paper on the floor for the dog pee. I don't think anyone ever noticed or took the time to correct her. While working inside one day, I stepped in animal waste, with socks on, six times. While Julies bedroom door was broken down multiple times, Jenny's door stayed shut somehow. I was absolutely livid. I'm overwhelmed, and need a break. 2:18 

4/26/2021 6 weeks sober for further training for the future. It's now 2:34 pm

https://www.facebook.com/zachery.polk/videos/10226115899514731 

While applying myself to every detail I could, thoughts of salvaging Julies investment was my only concern. I sorted out everything that could be sorted, while taking inventory of all tools and supplies available for the needs of the property. At some point, after exhausting the phone book for people to come and give me estimates and ideas...no one responded, leaving me to thumb through the local paper. 

A handyman ad was my only choice, which I refused- saying, "I'm the goddam handy-man! I need a pro from around the area, not a frickin handyman." Finally, calling him out of desperation, he came out right away. Ed brought his wife, which should have said something to me, and did but I was focused on the house next door. This was the original home purchase, placed on a full basement. The well is in this house, with a line running across the property to supply Julie's double wide modular. The basement has two feet of water in it, and is fully furnished- complete with electricity that is hanging here and there, creating huge issues. The house is being used as a storage barn and has been squatted in- rummaged through by everyone over the years. There is ceiling falling down form the roof needing to be replaced- and was worked on at some point but just enough to keep dope money flowing- left unfinished and in ruins. You can see daylight everywhere- eaves, walls, windows and doors. The window is falling apart and letting all of the weather inside to cause further ruin. My thoughts are, getting an idea if it would be cheaper to make this house livable in order to make Julie's "New" home habitable for women and children.

Quickly, this building was gone through, inventoried, packed back up and organized, and all trash removed and burned. Same with the garage- packed full of junk- tons and tons of money wasted. Tons of plastic kids toys- excessive amounts of materials and waste. I rescued a treasure- a bible still wrapped up in the cellophane from the early eighties.

And, the same thing with the full size travel trailer that was parked behind the "old house." Juanita (Julie's mother, Jen's grandma, and Peyton's Great Grandmother), had been living in there- mostly. This was back before her husband died. Julie's dad has been dead about ten years this fall- I think. Cancer, from smoking. He was an Army Veteran. Together, they traveled parts of Europe during World War II. She has been writing her stories for me to publish some day.

Before Ed left, he gave me a quote of 60 grand that I had to pay up front. After scoffing, and explaining a few details about myself (master carpenter), he offered me a job at 25 dollars an hour. And, because I had no allies or a buffer but for beer- I gladly accepted the job, helping put an addition on the back of a two story for a widow in Hicksville, Ohio.

Long story short, he walked off the job around Valentine's day. The claim was filed against him which included my name. All of the tools I purchased, in order to take over the general position, were taken from me by the property owner. No one ever asked me to come to court, no letters, just word of mouth from Ed. The Hicksville Police did absolutely Nothing for me. I have yet to re-address this. Not to mention, I also bought an F350 diesel, dual rear-wheel, manual transmission, pick-up truck to get the job done. Thousands and thousands I spent- losing my entire savings here. Now, I am drinking myself to death, having acclimatized to the energy of the environment- the reality that Julie was suffering in. Now, I too was trying to die. 2:57

At some point, I buried myself in trying to finish an acceptable book production. It was a determination to e-publish. My hopes were to "save the day," all the way around with the publication and sale of my book. Every single time I went to work on it, (or do anything good for that matter), there was an energy that I couldn't shake free of. Problem after problem... The harder I tried, the harder things got for me to complete even the smallest of task, the more fighting I could feel from the dark forces. My face felt physically bruised from the blows from the demons that are there. My cheekbones felt as if they had been chattered by punches. My dreams were disturbed, visions would flash, and thoughts were drowned out by negative thoughts that I don't want to paint in your mind. The hardest thing I ever, ever did in my office settings was this effort to e-publish Escaping The Despondent Sea. It was my Valentine Gift to The People.

7:21 pm Julie has been in bed for about an hour. After putting the bike away, I reviewed the 420 show for notes. Riley needed some play time so, I threw the opossum awhile, and gave him a little hand battle. He's tired for now. With the Travel channel in the background, I decided to return to my efforts with writing something useful... hitting the mute button.

So, Ed gets sued for fifty grand, and I lose all my tools that he talked me into leaving on the job the last day we worked there. It was so nice, for a moment, thinking I'd found someone worth knowing when I really needed a man in my life to help me think. My hopes were that he would assist me... in some way, in ANY way. 

Julie and I had spent Thanksgiving with Ed and his wife, at his house in Defiance. He painted out some imagery of a family, and hinted at going to the casino. Casino?! I thought. Hell, I'd love to pull a few slots and see, since Jenny got me started on it.... He asked to borrow some money, and it was a go. I loaned him some money. 

At some point that evening, before the casino idea, he had given me an old leather bikers jacket that he said didn't fit him anymore. All it was, was him stroking my ego, in order to soften my wallet up. We took pictures that night, one I used recently while wearing that jacket- up against the bars outside of the casino. 

If I recall correctly, Ed was in my pocket for $900.00. The truck was 1800 but when the kid said he was selling it for his court battle relating to kids, I gave an extra hundred. $1900.00 for the truck, plus the nails, nail guns, compressor, all the levels- every single tool needed to build a house. Remember, I had 15 grand to start with, plus my social security of almost 800 a month. Then, accumulated time on the job, AND the lawsuit which seems to be half mine???!!! We're talking 40 grand. Yeah, and I forgave him!? Yet, he has never offered me a dime or any form of compensation. My intuition says he blew the money she gave him for the addition, on a gambling streak, especially in light of the fact that he was a captain or something like that, at the AMVETS, where he got me in at. He made particular mention of the books you sign in on to place a gamble on the pot to win. Some people know what I am talking about, here. There is more to the story, like his right hand man on the project, whom was supposed to be MY Boss, being a serious meth-head. He started hocking tools to me the moment I met him. I video'd the job-site- featured on my YouTube channel "out of the frying pan" series.

Now that the dead end was found with Ed, I was back at full-time occupancy of Julie's disaster of an existence. The Red Green Show kept me from killing myself for a while, binge watching the shows for days, while trying to figure out how to do what needs to be done without being too disruptive or invasive. So, I did what I could to clean out all of the trash, and consolidate the clutter in the rooms I could work in, as I continued on switching out the old outlets and switches along the way. The smell was so bad, at times I had Julie take us to a cheap hotel room to sleep. Putting a new faucet on the kitchen sink was one of the top priority things to do because...for one thing, I have to live here- and I can't live without a working kitchen. This made it for the whole kitchen to have a bit of an initial make-over.

When I inventoried the house next door, I earmarked things to re-purpose in order to create a mind-space for myself; I needed an office. Once I had the room together, it was easier to navigate through a day. Before the room, I had become to merely lay on my side of Julie's bed- watching television and drinking beer. I could barely handle taking care of all of the animals, and keep the fence going. I felt like I was beat, and gave up inside. The cans and trash accumulated to a pile so large, at times, I had no choice but to clean it up. Things went on like that for weeks- maybe even months. Finally, one day, I couldn't take it anymore with Jenny's dictation, and I had to do something about Socks.

Socks was a pit-bull/Great Dane- buckskin and white, with white socks on his feet. He was severely abused by men, and no male subject could get near him. All this time, I had taken over the duties of seeing to the animals needs on the property. Socks was the last one to focus on rehabilitating, although I had been nonchalantly offering myself to him. 

All of the dogs had bounced back to life, and I rid the property of six of the cats. Once I had a few very serious things tended to in the house, and with the barn and Horses, I tuned in for Socks, and his emergent needs. 

It took almost a whole six weeks of conditioning before I could get inside the cage with Socks. It took another two weeks before he allowed me to touch him. We had fought. Once I was able to give him touch, I was becoming more hopeful of his recovery. After a few days of him allowing me to touch him, I marched him right into the house, threw a chuck steak on the Foreman grill, and I kibble trained him with it that day. I WON! He was my boy from there on out- him and Hercules, which takes us to the other pit-bull that Jen left behind to be cared for.

Hercules was a very handsome boy, they both were. Socks was equal to him, and seemed even like blood- having the same colors in their coats. They were special. Story was that Socks was two years old, and that Hercules was almost a year old- this is at the time I arrived. They both shared the same "kennel" area but Socks was left outside in the cage, treated like a prisoner- receiving absolutely no attention aside from being brought food and water inconsistently. These dogs both got worked with every day, throughout the day, as they should. When I walked the dogs, surprisingly to me, Socks walked on the leash like he had done it all his life! Socks spoke a great deal to me, and we all three became close. They insisted on sitting with me, no matter where or when. They slept on me in the bed, and followed me everywhere.

Now, Chief, on the other hand... He was a Schnauzer, I think. Chief was a very old dog. He was "Dad's" dog. His nails were very long, curling around the way over-grown nails do. He wheezed and coughed, and could barely get around but he soon took to me- following me around the yard occasionally. It was not a secret, that he was near death. There were conversations about my having to put him down. He finally passed away, with me at his side.

And, good ol' Blue... He was taken prisoner by the same aunt that took the rabbit. She's simmering. Blue was actually a bluish color. He was a small, short-legged hound. His hair was kinda wiry and he reminded me of "the blue and the grey" from back in the day. This dog was the first one that responded to me, when I became in tune with their health needs. He started smiling right away. I noticed when he began- his tail hadn't wagged at all before. He's over at the aunt's "farm" locked in a cage- waiting to die, if he isn't already. He's a house dog, not a freaking coon dog you keep penned up and hungry- for performance. Oh, I'm so pissed.

Oh, we cannot ever forget little Jax. He was a black and white Shitzu, and very much still a pup. Such a lover, he was. Faithfully, he stayed on the foot of the bed, protecting us when we slept. He was such a sweet boy... I so wish I could go back to the night of the fire.

There were so many animals, I cannot recall but 5 dogs. There was one more.

https://youtu.be/vg9GUUE52TA

Well, one day, I decided to put them outside- all of them since I was working and they were all right smack in the way. The main issue with the dog kennel was, the animal waste was never, ever taken care of, and there was nothing but mud for them to be in. No way, was I going to spend my every moment caring for dogs like this. Everywhere, but for the yard still existing- that the loose pig didn't uproot, was nothing but mud. It was nothing but mus- everywhere.

So, I tied socks out on the cable- affixed to a steel fence post, in front of the driveway. This is on the right corner of the house, facing the front of the house. Jax, the Shitzu, being a young pup of a dog- insisted on playing and antagonizing the other dogs... to play the Chasing Game!!! Oh, What fun, what fun! The Chasing Game! When I had put them out, I noticed the spring clip not in proper working order. There was little I could do about that. At some point, Jax and the other dogs get Socks to jumping around, to the point where they got unhooked at the fence post. So Now, I've got a pack of dogs running wild- up and down the road. Keep in mind, we're out in the boonies. There's a guy across the road, with a bunch of hunting dogs, an ol' lady, and a couple kids. They always keep to themselves, that I knew them but I'm sure the flies get a lot to talk about. Yeah, and then- her cousin's property adjoins Julies. He's got a real life, working farm. He's got the tractors and equipment, cuts and bails his own hay and straw, keeps bees and sells honey. He's got horses, cows, hogs, pig, chickens, ducks, Guinea hens, dogs, cats, kids and coons. He's also got a woman, I think, and come to think of it... I've never heard Julie mention his wife. Anyway, he's got relatives, or brothers or cousins- helping him on the farm. The way I was figuring, if shit hits the fan in the cities... We could always team up with his needs on the farm, while trying to make her land produce. Yes, I like thinking. 7:59 pm

I'm not sure how I managed to get the dogs back, it's all a bit of a blur right now- there's so much to the stories. It's now 9:19 pm. I've been entertaining Riley and puttering around in my thoughts. 

Well, the neighbor calls the police- again. Animal control shows up first, then the Defiance ( lol, defiance...) sheriff's deputy. She (animal control) has dealt with the animals out here numerous times. The homeowner is home, and has several dogs in a pen that he lets out routinely. They are not pets, they are more for hunting- I guess. I've never noticed him bag anything. They stay in the pens, talking across the road to our dogs. Socks has his adrenaline rushing through his veins and is wound up. I cannot get control of him because there is now too much going on. He is very fearful of the homeowner, and supposedly nipped at him. I didn't see this ever. Anyway, Deputy Dumas decides to shoot the dog with his taser but the dog is too quick, and his coat doesn't allow it (the one barb that hit him) get through. My disbelief over the officer trying to taser the dog infuriates me. "Just back the fuck off, get back in your cars, and you in your house, and allow me to get control of him!" 

When they, finally, allowed me to take control of MY animal, it was easy to get Socks to retreat with me- following me right back across the street diagonally, and in to the garage of the old house, where I pulled the door down, shut behind me. Then I got a lashing around his neck, and walked him out in to the kennel. He was contained. Now, back to the "authorities"...

When it was all said and done, the officer handed me a ticket for something like $148.00. Choking it down, I smiled and said, "Thank you very much. Have a nice day!" Yeah, while wondering how long I'd go to jail for letting the dogs back out. Assholes.

Yeah, he must have had a nice day because the next day...he came back with another goon. No, I take that back, ("Jury, pay no attention to the goons...") They had called Julie, as she had a history of having farm animals get loose, just like everyone else with farm animals. Which reminds me of the "farmer appreciation breakfast" they hosted in the area, to berate the farmers for having tractors and stuff, you know, on the roads when everyone else has to get to Starbucks? Yeah, we'll get to that. Anyways, they called, saying that she ad to surrender Socks to them on a dangerous dog citation, to have him Euthanized. She lost it.

After pleading with the officer, they agreed to allow us to take him in and surrender him to the animal shelter- The Humane Society near her home. It was a "no-kill" place, where they find homes for the dogs. Okay, fine. So, later that day, we took him in, only to be charged around $70.00. I was very upset, and of course I had been drinking. It was my responsibility to defend him- pleading with them to understand him and his needs because I knew exactly what they were. Yes, he was in too chaotic of an environment due to the circumstance, I did everything I could about it. I broke down bawling. 

For what seems like an hour, I explained everything to them. It was tearing me apart inside, that I had failed him- betrayed him. Before I left, and it was hard, I was promised that I could come and visit with him any time.

It was two weeks later when I went to visit Socks. It took me that long to get over what happened, what I had done to him. Taking some meat treats I had cooked, I wrapped them in tinfoil, putting it in my coat pocket. It was about 4:30 when I got there to see him. As soon as I got inside the door, a young woman went quickly into her bosses office- bringing her out. They seemed to gang up around me, and I could go no further into the room towards the dogs area. I felt the tension, without a doubt. 

After several minutes of conversation, refusing me to just go see him, I became agitated. They kept flapping their yaps about nothing i wanted to hear. I noticed the sign on the wall that said it costs about $250.00 for a dog. Keep in mind, I had been all over social media trying to find him a home in the weeks before, and had a couple people interested in him. Now I am really upset.

Throwing my head back, and standing tall, I exclaimed, "You promised me I could see him. They euthanized him, didn't they?! I'm rrrrready to start shootin!" And then, I looked at them through gritted teeth, while thinking the worst things. Julie and I turned around and walked out.

Around 8 pm, a couple thugs dressed as Defiance sheriff's deputies, came knocking on the door. Julie answered it, and called for me. Walking past the shotguns rifles that leaned against the rack holding the sacred toaster oven, I was thankful Julie purchased the security system for our safety and that the cameras for our blink security system were installed and active. She had just gotten it but I also recorded the interaction on my phone. 

They began interrogating me on the porch, asking me what happened etc... And more importantly, what I had said. They kept on and kept on, trying to manipulate me, becoming intentionally intimidating with their presence. They were specifically trying to get me aggravated- to provoke an aggravation. When I began to express authority of my self and my explicit communications, they turned me around and arrested me. I was arrested for "aggravated menacing," which mean that they asked me the time, to many times, and they didn't like it without the sugar coating. I can't wait to piss in their face with my exploitation of their deeds.

So, I get booked and shown to a cell, and released the next day. They scheduled a court date, which I missed, sending a guy out to scoop me up and bring me to court. They had all been there, waiting for me. 

It was not an intention to miss the court date. There was no confidence in getting my mail, having a P.O. box in a very small and nearby town. It wasn't Ney, they called it something else. There was a bar across the street, and the post office was also a library of sorts. It was quaint. I liked it. The gas station, on the other hand... I could feel the politics of the past that made the store very suspicious. Later, I would hear stories...

After presenting myself to the judge, they hand out a sentence where they said they were suspending everything. I ended up doing 30 days, and then put on paper for three years. Greg is my probation officer- son of Julie's best friend. They went off to college together, having played in the band together in school etc... Secretly, I reached out to her for guidance on how to go about handling affairs the best way possible. And, this woman knew Julie all of her life so... 

I wrote a blog entry about the incident with Socks. It's called, "Gimme yer Socks" or something like that. 9:51 I need to read through this and jar my memories.

Here is where I should get back to the country... back in the saddle. The farm, once we got done adjusting to the purchase on her nipples, and I stepped up three sizes in butt plugs- we got to focusing on her house together. The main motivating factor was, I wasn't going out like this. And then, coincidentally, we cleansed the house. Jen had removed permission for Julie to see Peyton because of my existence- my perspective. She called me "the hero" one day, while mocking me in a conversation (argument as always). Julie was miserable- she wore it no matter how hard she tried. And me, I take advantage of opportunities to make people feel. I'll never forget the first time she really laughed. I was so tired of the cats...

There's so much, yes but I managed to get thru to her about her mental health. After speaking with her doctors, she started feeling much better. And I can only imagine what might have happened if we hadn't become intertwined..

Somewhere along the line, after the cleansing, Julie started working more near a new facility. Eventually, the plan was to close the shop near the farm, allowing Julie the opportunity to go with the company- grow with the company by relocating... AWAY from the farm was perfect for her right now. And, with her working and residing in the new place, I could then continue working on the remodel and caring for the animals. She'd be out of the way..., but she'd be out of the way. It was a win, lose for me because I really needed her. It was selfish of me to make her travel seven hours a day, to be in bed at night. We did weekends for a while but when the offer became an actual permanent offer, she ended up getting an apartment. I pushed her that direction with all my influence. It was the best thing for her. In my eyes, she had suffered enough. And the pain I could feel it, deep in my heart- how much she hurt. She was there for me when I asked her. And I could see how badly she needed someone. And, me, I can never say no...

 And then the house grabs my shoulder again. So I say, 'Hey, I am a Highly Trained Professional. There is little I cannot do. I'm going to repair and refurbish this home, and shove it's very existence showcasing My Work- right down everyone's throats.' Yeah. And then, Julie is suddenly motivated to give it to Jenny- after I have been rehabbing, and plumbing, drywall, sub-floor replacement, all this stuff for a six man crew- for weeks. I'm using car siding, with that beautiful wood grain and the knots- diamond finish, all kinds of custom things. You know, for us?! Yeah I've got a sliding barn style door for handicap access. Mom's got to be able to get around. I've re-framed the hallway, cutting the corner off of the wall and partition. That way you can actually put some furniture in it, and get a wheel chair or walker through it. Yes, all the bells and whistles for handicap use. Mom's going out in style! A Beautiful Cabin style Country Home!

Yep. So, Jen calls one day... Julie decides to give her the house, and they can all live there now. You know, since we're moving south. Well, I'll tell you the deal (my opinion, of course. It's My "side" of the observation of the situation- of which I am the Disruptor)- Jen was using mom as the finance source to fund her household. Using Mom's care or whatever she embellished upon Julie, I still haven't gotten the straight dope. Julie is very easily intimidated to interrogatories in varying situations. I am sensitive to her needs, as we share them.

Alright, alright. Perfect, give her the house. Here, here's the house- I'll pack up my rig. 

Nope, nope. Nope, nope, nope. Now, I can't "walk off" a job! Not This Job! SHIT! You gotta Love Pride.

Yes, I stay, and I fix the fucking place up everywhere I can- day and night. Working like a mad man in the rain, 3:30 in the morning- the dogs are bitching. And If that ain't enough, I have also been turning soil, making compost, planting garden plants, grapes, fruit trees, mowing grass and field, raising chickens (mmm...chickens are addictive raising...), tending horses, fences, barns, every damn thing I could to keep surviving while stuck in the middle of nowhere with no man power or friend but for the animals- the dogs and horses mostly. 

Jenny was all over the checkbook with shit for the pool outside. This pool was about three foot of dark green pond water, full of leaves from the lovely cottonwood tree. A Damn poplar tree! Over the pool!

Oh, Mad Zack, drop everything! Jenny has to have a pool. Okay, fine. I haven't kissed dirty enough ass in life yet I suppose. Let's get this over with, my butt plug will get cold.

Yes, I spent days on the pool, draining it, and cleaning it. Searching the property, high and low, for the components, and pipes, and those awesome plastic fittings! Yeah, she got online and bought everyone else's junk pool equipment no one else wanted, dumped it in a heap next to the pool, and that was my baby for weeks until the fire. Up until that happened, she had me painting the paint she wanted, and doing this, and that, and then the bed for mom became my problem. Yes, one the brothers came out to save face, only to make more problems for me to deal with. The one brother all but destroyed a $5000 John Deere mower, for quick cash. And the other, just disrespected Julie as he felt free to, and fucked up more shit. Absolutely useless to me.

Days go by, and Jen produces a resemblance of a helper. He came with kids. The end of it is, I was the baby sitter. He, and I swear, was completely lost at making his kids something for lunch! Then he had the audacity to say that his children were stealing my medications. This guy smoked up 300 bucks worth of wax in a few days. I have him featured in some of the video footage in the frying pan series.

So, the night of the fire. I have almost the entire house remodeled but for the master bath, and bedroom. The bathroom was gutted down to the shower stall, and the double basin sink cabinet. The floors and everything got done as I did room by room. The bedroom and bathroom sub floors were ready for flooring, and the bedroom was ready for trim/window finishing. The bathroom needed the walls painted, and to be floored and replumbed. A corner tub was removed, and to be replaced.

At ten o'clock, I sat in my chair to watch the Dead Files, with Steve and Amy. It was a Thursday. He had a great interest in what was on, not what I was going to watch. So, he would sit for a moment, then go up in the mudroom end of the kitchen. He had a rolling tray of sorts for making cigarettes, and kept going out on the porch. I had been providing all of the food and beer, you know? He had no want for anything but he's mad about my wanting to watch a single program, while never entertaining myself with the television- leaving it to keep the kids hypnotized, well out of my way and minding their business. 

A few beers along the way, it's somewhere around 11:00 or near midnight. It was all so fast but forever. He comes to me, he say's "there's something going on, on the porch." And, I'm thinking, "see what the fuck it is and say something. Don't just pass the buck!" Yeah, I get out of my chair to go see, after I asked him, "What do you mean, 'there's something going on on the porch?" I get right up and go look, going for a rifle. 

As I get to the corner of the kitchen, I see a flickering in the lower area of the double glass door. I go closer, only to feel the heat near the door, and see the flames. "FIRE!" I yelled, and he ran out of the house, closing the door behind him. He went to go look at it. Oh my freaking lord, when I get my hands on him...  

So, now I am seeing that the house is filling with black smoke starting at the ceiling. I can hear the television cut off audio, and then I hear it- the howling moan of the force of air and fire churning it's furnace hotter and hotter, as it's getting louder or seems to. All in this instant, I am hearing, and smelling the smoke, the snap in my head and neck from jerking it around quickly, looking for the dogs. I'm shouting and shouting for them. I can't see, bowing my head into my shoulder to take in some fresh air while hitting the floor. I'm scrambling around in the dark now as I get to the bedroom, moms room. Rocky is there in a cage. I rescued him at the new apartment, and would have died from hypothermia.

Now, I never saw the kid run out of the house, only hearing the door close behind him. Earlier that day, his "girl," whom is actually Jenny's friend, came and took the children- I can't remember how many but two that I recall. Anyway, I am wondering, while scurrying around trying to find the dogs, if he took one with him. You know? Grab a collar and drag it out with you? Yeah, well now the fire is roiling down from the ceiling and I can see a bit. Everything is red and orange and yellow- and HOT! I have traded out a bit of air for a bit of fresh but the air is heavy and I can't breathe it in. I hold my breath and scramble around on my belly, trying to get "into" the floor and away from the heat scorching me. I am trying to scream for Hercules, and Jax but there are no sings of them anywhere. I am hoping they are outside but I am certain they are here. I keep searching around.

At some point, which was a while, I had to make a decision for how to get out of the house. Now it's blacker than black, and I am feeling the wall to find my way to the door. I feel and crawl, and feel and crawl, dragging the cage, and seeing the sparks flying inside my eyes- inside my brain. I can feel my heart pounding, and I need air sooo bad. The sparks in my inner sight get bigger and look like the flying geese bottle rockets when they explode. Feeling and feeling my way to the corner, the door is another 12 feet away. 

Finally, I am at the door, and struggling to find the door knob. The door opens, handle hot. 

There is another door, and it's not flapping in the wind like a storm door behind a child that don't mind is.

Reaching up to hit the handle, my hand hits flat on the glass of the storm door. It's been in the fire. I reach up again and find the handle- diving for the yard as I push it open, with Rocky getting tossed around in my haste. Landing in a manure patch, I gasped for air. Rocky rolled with me in the cage to avoid it smashing. As I look back towards the house, I see the flames are roiling out of the eave above the door like a big wide flame thrower. Looking back at the Bearded Dragon's cage, he looks okay. I can see Josh nowhere in sight but then again, it's midnight. 

A guy has pulled up, and parked in front of the scene to spectate. He looks happy as shit. Not a word of concern for me, or the property. Clearly an enemy of Julie. I screaming for Josh or this idiot to call the fire department but I'm looking at the house, while dragging the quad runner out of the way, dragging my antique CT90 out of the way, and getting my diesel out of the way.

For one thing, the truck was in the way of the fire trucks, AND it was full of fuel. The flames and heat were so intense, getting to a hose was not possible. It was useless, and I could see that the whole roof system was on fire inside. The front of the house was entirely engulfed in flames, the whole front porch was on fire. And that fucking shredded up tire mulch, well it was a sea of flames. Beside that, the truck, motorcycle, and tools in the house was pretty much all I had. I don't inventory some things. 

The sounds of sirens are off in the distance. Yes, you can hear them coming from miles and miles away. Eight miles, I think the fire department is. When they got there, they stood around looking at it for a moment. Then a cop shows up, right as the paramedics are approaching me. They had arrived right along with the fire department. I don't recall if it was first or not. It probably was. 

So, they are asking me some questions, and then the cop steps in. At some point they soon realize that I am in shock, sending me to the hospital. Now, I have to entrust them to save everything Julie and I had not yet moved from the farm house. And, that reminds me- guns. Someone asked me if there were guns in the house. My feeling is they were scared there were guns in the fire, watching most of it burn while the holes they created caused for even more damages. Yes, to find all of the fire but... it's a modular home. Putting out a fire, and putting out a fire "most profitable for a homeowner sans insurance," are two different things. No disrespect to the fire fighters. They did their job, and were very honorable as far as i could observe.

Taking us back to the hospital, they're busy putting the fire out in what's left of my wallet. My black Martin Acoustic guitar, two ounces of freshness from my secret garden, couple candles worth of wax, three long sticks, two Reese's pieces plus all of the tools I had bought, and some I didn't lose due to Eddie- burnt to a crisp. Not to mention documentation, records, brand new birth certificate, and still no closure on the whereabouts of the dogs. My head is spinning, and people are looking at me with their mouths moving but I can't hear them.

Moments disappear and I find myself numb but able to hear through the noise of blood rushing through my ear. Signing some papers, they wheel me into an area to get checked out. Then I am standing and walking around. Pacing, I go to the bathroom. A very young, and beautiful girl comes to me, to get cleaned up. She's an absolute Angel- her skin, everything about her was perfect. And, you couldn't help but feel her innocence radiating from her in your presence. 

"Here we go, Zachery. Let's get you cleaned up," walking me into a fully tiled bathroom, a floor drain in the room. It is a completely handicap accessible bathroom, like you wouldn't believe. Having built many, it's something to appreciate. 

"Would you like me to help you shower,"

Oh man alive, would I? Oh my goodness! What man would ever, ever turn down the chance. I mean, just "rescued" from a burning building and all. Shoot, "Hold me up, this old football injury..." Talk about a dream come true! 

Well, I told her no. YES! I fucking hate being a nice guy. You never get to have fun. Yeah, well, when I got in that shower and started trying to rub soap in my hair and get the soot out of my eyes- or get clean at all... It was more than difficult. When I reached for the storm door, my hand hit the glass. I've got pictures. My fingers were all burnt from it, to where they were like big juicy white grapes on my fingertips especially. Having only one hand at that moment of need really made me feel my sympathy for Jennifer despite my frustration with her special needs that can only come from a father's guidance.

Escaping The Despondent Sea is available on Amazon Kindle Unlimited, and is receiving 5 star reviews on Goodreads.com