second book -excerpt

Sometimes I think that I made a mistake in my approach to, Drew and Siena, Jen's kids, by not supporting what was, to me, clearly excessive video gaming.

And there was no way for me to know, at the time, that gambling and internet also combined with Steve's crack and alcohol use, having destroyed the marriage beyond repair. 

The only reason, as I understand now, that the repair wasn't able to be made, was due to Jenny's chronic avoidance of confrontation and her unwillingness to accept constructive criticism or work together in the least. 

How she maintained a job? Only for the habits she has of spending money and for the promiscuity and sexual nature of the staff's routine banter and habits at Sparrow Hospital of Lansing, which happened to have fired her soon after we got together. Most likey related to the decision.

In addition to that, as I learned from decisions and information from official documents, the apartment that she was living ii, when we met, had been rented in her ex-husband's name.

 And that she had a house that she was buying that she just up and walked away from- letting the bank have it! 

She just THREW IT AWAY. Threw away the investment and many possessions. And on top of that, the rent at the apartment she occupied after her break-up went unpaid resulting in an eviction after I moved in with her. When they left the situation it included being sued for damages caused by the Dachsund peeing all over due to the fact that the kids were being babysat by video games. Whether Steve was dragged to court over it all, I do not know.

I helped with the moving, of course. Little did I know, but would eventually learn, that's what they do, just throw everything away. Not care for anything, just throw things away when they lose interest. Eventually, to my grave disappointment, I too, would be thrown away when my use was wore out. A mere novelty item, a commodity to be consumed. 

The very same thing happened in Traverse City, only they took the money from my bank account byway of a loan that I had secured with my own money i order to buy Jenny a motorcycle, in an effort to develop credit. her idea of what I was suppose to do and not do led me to a nervous breakdown that turned into being arrested for a DUI- stemming from the interruption in my medical care, which official complaints have been documented. Hopes of rebuilding the bond that I had once established with my only son had blown up in my face as well. He is still causing me a great deal of grief and heartache.

Now my home is being destroyed again by the internet, and most likely I will be sued due to the disagreement regarding parenting, what needs to be addressed around the house, who needs to do what, and how our money should be managed. All of these things are snowballing out of control, destroying property and a home that my name is on the lease of- regardless of whether it's by the month now or not. 

My business efforts were forced to stop completely, under the guise that I was a stay at home father working on my writing. My writing efforts were brought to a halt, and I would continue to secretly grieve for the loss of my team. Everyone was all about what I was doin until Jen diverted resources and confodential infor and tactics to Sergio Giles. Who made her the VP of music lunge. Never compensating... Always taking my knowledge and acquired skill sets and plans and contacts. Causing for all who were in my network to abandon me... Little would I know until this tome in life working at yuning up my storoes tp complete my effort. Being held a hostage in my own home. I felt like Howard Huges. But Now I am feeling like Job. My office and studio have been destroyed and discarded as nothing but clutter. And I am very angry to receive such treatment as reward for doing the jobs that needed tending to for the sale that they simple must be done. No one would do them, mother supported that, amd my chore list became a punishments deserving of the father I was making up for in the name of the childs development.

I feel like a punching bag for all of them- compounded transferences of anger and hatred towards Steve? My coping skills are becoming exhausted and I cannot seem to find anyone to turn to. My whole being is becoming destroyed along with everything I have accumulated and all that I have produced. My struggles have been too long and too many to accept this level of failure. It is impossible to leave Siena in a situation when I can clearly see the inevitable consequences and hardships to come. Someone needs to give me the consideration to tell me where my own boundaries are morally, ethically, and familially, when it comes to being a person asked to be a parent and then asked to leave when they actually become the parent in that child's life. HELP ME.

This is much bigger than I feel like I can handle and I cannot beare to imagine the look of pain and the tears on the cheeks of anyone involved- not even on the faces of those I am most angered and appalled by. Now I am in a very bad position because of it all and I am about to lose what little I have in life, foremost the people that I love. No matter how bad they fear, hate, or fail to see what the game plan truly is in the big picture when it comes to a family. 

Even if we are "divorcing", all involved need counseling. Jen wouldn't let Drew take the stand in court over his grandpa's death suit because he is too immature in every respect. Why then, turn him lose with thirty grand? That's nonsense. This boy is HANDICAPPED badly in every way due to lack of education the home- every home he has been in. WHY?

This is going on in many mamy homes. More than anyone realizes. These stories in this book are glances at man many family and community situations... All directly related to early childhood development and addiction.

Truly, someone, somewher myst find value on what I am giving my life and sharing all of the humiliating and self destructive degrees.

We are only here once. Living a simple life is all some of us want.. That and having time and resources to share with others when they are in any kind of need..I don' t ever ask for help.  I will kill mysrlf proving that it can be done, and that I will do it alone, if need causes for it. Why am I left to be mocked and scoffed at, and pursuaded to believe these things do not exist? I know, for a fact, that they are real. 

BELIEVE ME- I'd rather be fishing etc...

zachery polk