Demons love to hide- unedited draft

In the spring of 2008 I made what I considered at the time to be my last and best effort at meeting a good woman- a good girl, since I was disgusted and tired of all of the wrong women that seemed to be typically attracted to me. You know, tramp stamp, substance abuse, no education, poor upbringing, under-employed, and having nothing to offer and few to no aspirations. My big plan was to join Harmony. My reasoning was: the women that historically impeded upon my life's path would never part with the ninety dollars that it took to join for the introductory rate. None of the women that I had been with in the past would ever blow that kind of money on anything other than drug and alcohol- thank god for that glass ceiling! And if they weren't using, either never ever could afford it due to the lack of aspiration to elevate themselves or their acceptable living standards in society, so-called.

My hope were that Jennifer was what I was looking for. When I finally came across her profile, I felt her picture speak to me. The picture she used was a photo that her almost four year old daughter had taken of her while in their vehicle. Jen was looking over her right shoulder, wearing sweat pants, and having no make-up on what-so-ever. That picture told me things like, "I'm not going to fake a photo. This is me. I have kids. I am a full figured woman."The photo intrigued me. Maybe I read too much into thing. It's what I do I guess. My brain works overtime and sometimes is way off base. Yeah, I know that. I am supposed to since I have a head injury and I have to be careful- one that I am not upsetting someone, which is often. And two, that I am not upsetting someone. Mostly by-way of accusing them of stealing something form me that I just can't find- thoughts included. Knowing about it doesn't always help but it does remind me how much I miss the forest- where I belong.

So, anyway, After several weeks of buffered communication, maybe two- three months, we agreed to open communication. I was elated- happy to the lay-person. We finally met around the 21st of September of 2008. And come Thanksgiving, Jen selected me to be her fool. To me, kids were a bonus. More than anything in the whole of existence, I wanted to be someone's husband and a father again. It was the happiest that I had been since the birth of my children- the very things that re-appropriated my life and added to my individual identity= master carpenter/Zachery Scott Polk.

Jennifer drove up from Lansing, to Conklin, where I was living at the time. My driving priviledges had yet to be restored and I had yet to received my Social Security Disability Insurance, which i happened to be elidgable to receive ever since my auto accident in 1996. Mindy had taken my children and left me abandoned when I was in no way able to care for myself- a highly trained professional in numerous respects and Trades. Little did I know, Jenny had been married to an underachiever, so even though I felt like a bum for living in the basement of my sister's house that my mother owner- a place that her family took occupancy of after a fire destroyed their home, to Jen I was a genius. 

My sis was only living there after they had rebuilt their home only to lose it to Kent County Friend Of The Court due to her husband having to pay child support, and having arrears, to kids that he had custody of half of the time. Explain to me how that works @KentCountyFriendOfTheCourt? 

So, after the first visit, Jen and I worked out seeing each other by way of the bus station. She would pick me up at the GreyHound station near her home. And since I was working, at a job Bob Smithe recommended me for at Page woodworking, I had saved up the money to operate with. That is why I took the whole porcelain, two head of garlic, and a pound of bacon-[see Youtube, pig inside pig, inside pig, or actually, "mothers day pork loin" by Zachery Polk.

It was this dish that locked me in as a worthy life' partner. After making this dish, he knew that I wa a worthy homemaker who knew how to provide in many way. My ability to provide is very important to me, especially ince my life went through a serious change that is still hard to believe...20 years later.

Sometimes I think that I made a mistake by not supporting what I felt was clearly excessive video gaming. And there was no way for me to know, at the time, that gambling and internet abuse, combined with the children' father's abuse of alcohol and crack, had destroyed the marriage beyond repair. The only reason, as I understand now, that the repair wasn't able to be made was due to Jennies chronic avoidance of general confrontations, and her unwillingness to accept constructive criticizm or work together in the least as a team.
All I wanted was a family. I had no clue as to how many closets came with it.