Finality and Realization

Finally, after all of the women I have been with, I realize that I have been attracted to the ones that are just like my "momma". I should have learned from the old Mel Tillis bit about daddy running that one off. And now, while seeing the end coming to yet another serious effort at a relationship, it is clearer to me that, Jenny, too is just like her as well. My only wish and regret is that I had a father to see that and run them off, giving me a chance to find one that isn't like her at all.

As for the filthy ungrateful lesser valuable people, it was my desperation for mom's love that made me so productive at home, and so good in the sack. As for the rest of the women out there from the various dating sites- after all of you that have blocked me out of your lack of ability to understand anything besides your own wants, and all of you that think I am too serious by comparison to other men, and so shallow as to not realize that we are all damaged and bruised, what makes you think that you are so special? Is it because you have some money that you didn't earn? Or that so many men have fed your head with pomp and circumstance that you think you are so platinum and excellent? You probably don't know what an ingredient is, or where eggs come from, or that it takes a chainsaw to make heat.

I am to the point where I do not need a female. God will provide to me, those persons who are like-minded- who I can share with and laugh with. My grandfather didn't need a woman. He remarried after his divorce only because of the needs of his children- and that fact that he was working to pay the bills, all the while earning himself cancer from the work-force and consumerism. Only for the children. Yes, he was close with, Lil, but that was to fill his needs for friendship and companionship when he came home. It wasn't for sex.

My grandfather, Ernie, had his share of women and he was plenty content with that- what he had already experienced, having been around the world during world war two in the Army. "Grandpa was a stroker," Grandma had told me over a drink after he had passed away some time ago. Grandpa was a self-sufficient person- a survivor. He had a lot to teach and share. He continues to teach and share in death. I only wish I would have been able to have my time with him but my mother was crippled in her mind, and I lost out because of that. I made a vow to myself to be the best that I could be for my people and children close to me. 

I write only out of hope for my people to know the truth regarding my struggles to live and my sentiments towards my loved ones... and strangers. My efforts are centered around my dire need for my children, Sarah Elizabeth Grace Doyle, Cody Sayer Polk, and Scarlett Rae Polk, to all know how I truly feel about them and how sorry I am for not being in their immediate lives. I know in my heart that having them within reach would have given me the empowerment to command my own sobriety. My goal is to empower others through my own struggles and losses.

My hopes are centered around taking my resources and teaming up with my daughter, Scarlett. The money available for helping me should be going to her. As for the settlement check from the automobile insurance claim, I need to invest it into a house, which would help her to get a foothold on life. Hopefully Cody is in good shape to benefit from it as well. If he's using I question whether I can be around him only to have my obstacles resurface to finally destroy me. I am confident that Scarlett will be excited for the opportunity. Just thinking about it is very encouraging for me. Hopefully she will help me to redeem my reputation with Cody and Sarah.

As for my coming grandchild, (now born) I had guessed that it would be born around independence day. I wasn't far of. I had figured that it had been planned out. We are thinkers in my family. There are reasons for that which we do. There are always reasons. My family is of German Heritage. It's been the Irish part of me, possibly, that has caused for me to put effort into constantly furthering my education. You do not need school for that. Just look at Abraham Lincoln.

As for my very first grand child... He died about a half hour after birth. The brain did not form two hemispheres. His nose had only one nostril. It was my hope that this child would positively IMPACT the life of my son but the death of Chavez only cemented Cody further in destruction. I am certain that the drugs he and the woman were playing with was instrumental regarding the birth defects. This piece was hacked.

Is it possible, that the birth defect aspects of the chemicals purposefully dumped in the streets are intended  to capitalize on that detail?  An attempt at reducing future society, to a more better level of profiteering from the more affluent? Maybe?

The idea of drugs were introduced to very young children, while in class at Hudsonville Elelmatary school, by the state police.

When they came of age, advertisements were placed on tv, for what I feel was also part of a gerrymandering operation. It needs to be looked into. Kent County. 1979. Crack cocaine was also widely advertised.

The history books have always been a factor in my life. Every since I began going to school and being taught about history, I have likened myself with them and developed a desire to be among them. They are my family. I have always wanted to be on the pages among them. I have always identified with them and their greatnesses, and I will- at most any cost, be buried in the pages among my fathers and the women who inadvertently became to be noteworthy, and illuminated by their integrity. 

My contributions will not be minimized by small-minded persons who hate, ridicule and fail to recognize that there is more to being than to only entertain selfish indulgence when they are required to be attentive, if only in part, to the refinement of Society.

Keep in mind, some of these pieces were hacked. If you "select" portions, you may find "missing text" illuminated. It reads aloud by the computer.

 Thanks for reading.

zach