The Sands of time- an irrantant

 When I found about Sue, Jennifer's mother, I became very excited, The very idea of a mother inspired me to win her affection. Had the back story been told to me, my approach might have been different. Although she had been living with her own choices and mistakes she seemed to have learned nothing- only cementing herself into her attitude and uncompromising opinions. One of those opinions was that Jen should not have become separated from her children's father no matter the "dirtails" that she was aware of or the many secrets that Jenny kept since she is such a "private person."
 Had I known the true definition of the quoted terms I would have remained private myself- private interests, private friendships, private sexual specialties reserved for the deserving, private trade, private nightlife, private relatives, private finances, not to mention private identity from everyone she knew and hung out with.

Hindsight surely is crisp and clear, and it teaches so much. Why do we become amnesiacs when we finally meet someone new? The dire want for Love is like a magnet on a cassette tape, destroying everything recorded, leaving only bits and a huge disorder that rearranges all you're use to hearing- silencing the best parts, memory clearing. Your empty lonely heart is fearing never having someone to share with- someone's hand to hold and care with, and to warm each others soul. Spark plus tender tinder equals glow, to feel completion and feel whole- passing on together what you know so that the world can have it too in fairness. And when we're gone they will all know that we were as far as you can get from "I could care less." That is how I want to go. Don't want my stone to need the message that, "I loved you with my heart, in whole."

And as I write these words they are all for them even though they do not deserve another one of my sincere thoughts. Screw her. Screw the cell phone, the snap-chatting, the disgruntled single co-workers, screwed up family, mother, and their selfish ungrateful screwed up attitudes. 

Screw the wasted opportunity with her dad's grave money that all of them are pissing on, her stinking idea of what a parent is, her twenty year-old mushroom-button penised punk pissing all over the bathroom, their internet abuse, their slovenly lifestyle, and her spur of the moment sex partner turned parent of her children. Screw the lies, lies about me, lies to my family and friends, and wasting of every cent that I gave her, and the bad trash reputation that's developing in the wake of sewage left behind us. 
I cannot allow myself to be used anymore but I can't seem to let her use me any less- coming to see me for her desires. I just hope she remembers that I had nothing to do with her daughter getting a sex change. And remember I had nothing to do with the helplessness of her boy, who, if he fell into a barrel of titties, he'd come up sucking his thumb.

These people were sand in the hourglass that had brought me to a future of lacking. All the while a future that was here for me all along, they denied me to have for fear that I would become something that outweighed their immediate needs and wants. It was kept hidden from me by keeping me busy with the disaster that was a virus out of control. I will always fight for what is right, never waiting for someone to guide me. I am willing to be the captain, to guide those around me to safety, to go down with the ship if that's what it takes in order to see to it that no one is left aboard to die on a foundering vessel in life.