January's Over

 9:11 Trying to make my entry but sometimes people don't see the blatant clues before them- children, animals, 

The last thing I remember before I got up was, Julie in some kind of medical place with  helo on her hed that 

1/29 10:45 AM "Red Dawn is on," Julie shouts from the bedroom... I've got ear pieces on, isolated with my thoughts and the Mad Zack Radio- Come Back Show show I did when I got out of the psych ward.

The Glue of Life, was a parable that I mentioned that I need to write about a little.

The illustration was that my heart had become broken, over time getting broke even more. 

Mending the occasional shard- the healing, that happens from time to time but alway rebreaking- eventually becoming shattered to sand with enough pain.

The inward searching that leads to healing- connecting with the spirit through isolation (no disruptors of "the world"), becoming sober in all ways that you can, which causes awareness that awakens your consciousness.

The glue, as the grains are put together, built up. And, my heart became ten times larger and stronger than before- the understanding of your power to create war or peace, with mere presence or a word. 10:59  

6:24 SItting here watching the frillbacks lounging on the carpeted floor after having bathed themselves in a large dog food bowl with almost three inches of warm water in it. 

They were milling about in the kitchen when I noticed them drinking from the water dish for Riley. 

"That's good," I thought.

Observing them for several moments, I noticed them washing themselves in it. 

Now, they are just making themselves at home, and I'm trying to not walk past them to cause an interruption in their enjoyment. 

Riley keeps going near but Mildred just gets up and lays down in another place.

They are totally relaxed, and I feel great about that. In a while, they will be making contact. 6:36

9:37 Laying in bed with the TV on. Thor- Ragnarak is on. They just unleashed the demon.

Max and Mildred finally went down to bed, having an internal sense about when the lights go out. They went back to their shelf, where they had been nesting. Now that the heaters are in there, I need to blanket off the exposed areas to keep the heat in there. With three to four more days to count down until the Archangels begin hatching, I haven't got any time to waste.

Earlier, this morning, Julie and I were talking about the newborn grandson, Cublin. She was asking me about what was said in the texts so, rather than reading them to her- editing as needed, I gave her my phone to read the conversation. She immediately criticized my having shared info about the pigeons, saying something to the effect that it was narcissistic on my part, without any constitution. It is my inclination to understand that this is the general consensus of everyone's formed opinion of myself but I am historically misinterpreted and misunderstood so, it only bothers me a little.

Sarah's view and understanding of me was poisoned long, long ago. I am not about to undo the healing and growth that I feel I have gained by dwelling on what anyone thinks about me- in a world where no one is really conscious enough to begin understanding the basics.

Mentioning that I had to get heaters and supplies for the pigeons, we both got dressed and went to the store. She went out to the car, before I was even ready, and sat there. 

Reading a book, and listening to Scorpion on her iPhone, we rode without speaking a word but for what I said while sensing tension. The energy of disapproval about something was heavy in the air. Feeling certain that it was about the grandsons and their mother, I was careful to avoid the subject. She never did speak her mind, yet we went to bed as usual. My heart rate didn't deviate from a restful pace, though we did snuggle.

We will see what tomorrow brings, if tomorrow brings us the day. 9:58

9:17 AM The biggest mistake that the average person commonly makes is, throwing away their solitude first thing in the morning- turning on the television, for instance. Once your attention becomes disrupted by things from the unnatural world, you shut off consciousness- awareness, self awareness. 

The data you awakened with are to be considered as a course that you attend while you're dreaming. 

The spirit needs the conscious body to follow through so that they can become united as one unit, connected to the greater consciousness.

9:24 Bernie coos and calls with his loneliness, while William is mostly silent this morning.

Downstairs, the other six are relaxed and quiet. Turning the lights on, in the morning, I always go and greet them to further imprint myself in their minds. 

Music is a great way to start the day so, I brought Rhonda upstairs to nestle into my thinking spot in the living room. Here, I sit and play for a few minutes in a state of meditation.

Rather than thoughts of "the big game," getting high, sex or any other part of the circus, the day has to start with an arrangement. "The List," to start with, is your business plan for the day, like what needs to happen or what is expected and probable.

The first thing on my list is always the animals- easily neglected with the television on or letting any part of "the world" inside my home, my personal space that I inhabit.

General cleaning isn't something on my list because it's an act of second nature that's been developed, happening as I go about my day- in my travels. Always taking time to "police" yourself makes it easy to maintain an acceptable environment. This is an essential act to master because this is what creates the time that you have for yourself. 

For example, The Kitchen is a constant work area. Learn to use this room. Washing the dishes, as you prepare and cook food, keeps your hands clean. This eliminates getting the cabinet doors, drawers, and fridge from getting funked up with filth. It helps keep the condiments and spices from getting filthy containers. And meat handling, always having that sinkwater to wash your hands off with prevents cross-contamination. 

Washing dishes, and cleaning, always gets done as I cook but there are those times- when I don;t know what to do... When I am lost, I go right to the kitchen and start working. Everything falls into place from there.

The stove doesn't get washed but once or twice a week. The pots and pans are dealt with, as needed, but iron grill doesn't really get dirty so much as a little oil splatter. Adding the stove to the daily routine is time consuming, and unnecessary.

Learning how to employ perfectionism and compulsive obsessive behaviour at my choosing was hard until I learned about the ego, in my psychology studies to better understand myself and my loved ones.

9:49 Max and Mildred just came upstairs to visit, flying up on top of an entertainment cabinet that they seem to like. Yesterday, I put a nesting basket with hay in it up there for them. It looks like they are choosing that spot as an option. We'll see. Studying them, the eggs will appear anytime between 8 and 18 days after a breeding session. They did their thing, a few times that I know of, yesterday. I got it on video. 9:53

1:53 It's unreal to me, that I cannot find even a chunk of staples for my gun. Improvising with some newspapers, containing the heat by hanging them from the upper shelf- basic theory but it's not going to work since the heater is not heating enough. What heat is being produced is merely rising to heat the surface above it. It's a little warmer but ineffective. Now, return two of the units and get one that is bigger. 

Yeah, when I knew I wanted the bigger one to begin with. That's an example of not following my heart, my gut feeling. Between my always being frugal, and her pointing them out, I swayed. And then, the issue of longevity- only lasting a year. That's the money war again, that I am always battling. 

My gal has been having negative feelings about herself. I just imagined myself doing "naked man" on her, when she got home from work, and say, "Quick, my parents aren't home. I was just about to start without ya." 

I don't think I'd ever do that to her, I don't know. I'd have to tease her throughout the day to build her up for it. I just have a hard time interrupting her when she's at work because I am pretty sensitive about not causing any disturbances to jeopardize that.

3:45 Twenty minutes on the phone, I still have no water for the dispenser. Walmart has them on sale for under $130 but the supplier brings the water when he feels like it, "at random," they tell me. A person is calling me back, after having motivated them to call and push them to deliver. 

There's no way I would sell a product like this if the people are not going to make the water available. Oh, I'm a bit agitated... I texted the issue update to Julie.

This, I find out, after having gathered up the lights and packaging, repairing the boxes to return them. And, the staple gun because it's some off-brand that might not take t-50's- what I usually buy. That reminds me, I'll go look for the other one. There's one last tool kit I forgot to look in. 3:49

Nope. No staples, no heavy duty stapler but this one of Julie's- something she bought to work on the house years ago. It's smoke stained with black soot that won't wash off, and one of the very few things that we salvaged from the fire. 

And here I am, increasing the risk of fire by putting heating units in the basement for the pigeons... without any renter's insurance. 3:58

8:54 Having just eaten a turkey sandwich, I'm feeling pretty good. A while ago, we took turns using the new body sculptor Julie got in the mail yesterday.

Around 6:15 I told her that I ordered a masseuse online to come give a demonstration, and that he was due shortly. Later, I went in the bedroom, wearing only a robe, with some body lotion. After giving her a good rub down, she returned the gesture. It was very nice but clearly not as innocent as just being a tool to reduce cellulite. Those advertisements are capitalising on sexually frustrated people who have been programmed to feel bad about themselves, and settle for the fantasy and temporary gratification that they can receive.

It's hard to deal with sometimes- knowing and understanding truth and psychology, while easily able to feel the range of emotions and pains associated with any given situation, like the birds that I have caged, and their feelings of freedom loss and loneliness, and longing for social activity.

We're all the same, living creatures.

Tomorrow starts my close watch for the Archangels to hatch. In the morning, the staple gun will help me button up some things to help consolidate the heating efforts. And, I will be installing the new heating units, along with a thermometer to show me how it's working. 

In the big scheme of things, all I have to do is care for my animals, home and self. Everything else is just more seeds in the garden. And, rather than allow anxiety to step in and cause negligence, reflecting on the seeds that I've planted should easily make me smile enough to not doubt or worry but to just keep tending my garden.

Heart rate peaked at a low and comfortable exertion of 129 tonight. 9:19 

10:30 AM 1/31

It's been a slow easy morning, and a nice shower. Some guy with LaCamera for a last name, claiming government organization status. It made me laugh due to the word association and the reality of surveillance. "The Camera". Maybe it's just funny to me because of my becoming involved with the nielsen's orientation, and the very strange things that happened afterwards:   Having researched a bit about Nielsen's, and the various things learned, I closed my Chrome Book. Moments go by as I go about my business. Suddenly, "My Name Is Mud," begins playing. And then using Alexa, she actually fought with me using multiple tactics, it seemed. There are examples on some of the shows. There were things that were said that could've been threats- giving me the hospital info instead of what I had asked.

Yeah, so the relationship with my work, the name. Anyway.

Last night, I told Julie I was washing the bedding today. It can't be running while I'm doing a show so, I went and stripped off the first blanket. It's a queen or maybe king sized artificial fur like you'd find on a mediaevil bed. It's got weight to it, and shaggy fur.

Taking the blanket down, I said "This is too much for the washer," out loud.

Turning around to not do it, I again thought of the odor, spinning back around in a few steps. 

Mildred is on the floor, and Max is on the nest. "She must have laid,"

"Maybe I am too cynical or skeptical. It will be a test run, and at least smell fresh. And then we'll see if I'm wrong about being too big," I tell myself.

It didn't seem like I was going to get it all in but finally managed to stuff it in. Everything about it says the blanket needs to be washed at the laundromat. We'll see what it looks like when it's done running.

Mildred had to have laid an egg. Max wouldn't be sitting there for nothing. They're in love. So that's what I'm about to do now- work on the pen while waiting for the washer to finish. 11:00

11:23 The bald tumblers seem to want to eat the sunflower seeds but they are too big. I just ran some through a smoothie maker, studying one to see about the rest. I'm feeling very guilty of having them in cages but I don't want them stressing out the nursery situation. Next week I'll be getting them mates, and hopefully the rest of what I need for the new coop. Bernie is very upset, almost wild acting when I put my hand in the cage. William is more reserved but still fearful. I am always slow and easy around them all. It's actually a great aid at staying calm and methodical. 11:28

Around 12:30, I sat down for a lunch break, sans food. Without anything organized, as usual, I did a show in our private group that turned out to be very good. There was no magic composition but the things that were discussed were very therapeutic especially for myself. Having a few friends, fans of the show, to talk with helped navigate the depths of water of thoughts on life. Everyone is searching for lost, traded, and stolen pieces of themselves. Some people actually take time to look with me, to find those little shiny things. Pigeons and Stuff- Mad Zack Radio

8:06 PM Julie has Big Bang Theory on the telly, "I have to make as much as my wife so I don't have to work as hard in bed," howard said. 

Julie asked me if I heard it, which I didn't because I have ear pieces in for youtube. She tells me, and I am surprised because I find putting an effort in to be very satisfying. A man should take pride in his performance- always. Bed or not, a man should always do his best without a second thought. 

That led into us, her sentiments on my performance. She knows I always do my best.

See, it's comments like that, that cause a poor influence on the audience. They have added up over the years to seriously decline the psychological and intellectual quality of Americans in general society- the dumbing down effect caused by capitalist interests that have conditioned people into careless, complaining consumers. A nation full of children, more or less. The library is the only safe place.

ANyway, I just came across a guy that is local to me, who started a father's support group for men's support. That was an encouraging thing to see- someone trying to contribute for men. We need a ton more of that, like the programs some retired street gang people reach out in the community to help redirect and influence the youth. 

The pigeons have got me scratching my head. Tonight, Max and Mildred were out on a stroll together. They are certainly "nesty" but I don't know if there are eggs yet. One video I watched said to take the first egg out. This is supposed to prevent it from beginning the energy inside to start development. If you return it when another egg gets laid, they hatch together, along with the third egg that may also be laid. That way they get cared for more equally, and develop together better because they are also creating and sharing more heat.

The heater shuts off when I turn off the light, I noticed. The plug will need to be moved or I will have to go down and manually do it since it shares the light socket at the moment. There needs to be another circuit installed in the breaker box for the garage anyway so, maybe I'll go ahead and wire it in to also add an outlet for them. My hopes were to have the landlord get our garage door taken care of, and add a junction box for a line when they were finished but nothing is happening with that. 8:51