Boy Interrupted

Well, it's Sunday, 5:47 pm. Riley has got me playing the tossing game, while Julie and I lay in bed. The TV's on with Tony Stark busting stuff up in Iron Man 3. 

The pigeons are doing great, and would be better if I can find where I hid the bag of mealworms. I'm sure they're here somewhere but I do recall trying to give them to someone. Maybe it was in a dream, I don't know for sure until I solve the mystery.

It's been totally routine around here, device-wise. I need to investigate if they can generate "feel-good" energy waves through Julie's iPad, iPhone, Broadband, WiFi, 5g- all of that. I am buried in research material.

She is definitely hypnotized.

Today, we had lunch at San Marcos Taqueria again after going there for lunch when we went to the psychics convention for Jenny's birthday. It frustrated me because it's at least forty bucks, plus Jen's fuel driving all of the way from West Unity, and us 20 minutes away. We could have had the same thing here at the house, and spent some time together. 

When we arrived, Jen had another twelve minutes. About five minutes before she got there, we went in and got things going. It was already known what we would be getting, pretty much.

Some of the food started coming out as Jen pulled up. And, they don't serve pepsi so, we all had water- thank goodness. 

Well, Jen had a twisted disgusted look on her face as she came to the table, having seen me there it seemed.

Both Her and Peyton were negative energy- feeling like they were reluctant to change their intentions maybe. Peyton was complaining about her stomach, mentioning motion sickness and her stumach "jiggling around" making her endure pain.

"Doesn't your stomach jiggle around when you are active, when you aren't in the car?" I asked.

She said "No," as the main order came to the table, and then said she didn't like what we were having. She then asked for a chicken strip and fry basket.

I had to be the one to begin conversation to begin with or it wouldn't have happened at all, most likely. Jen never says hi to me or asks about me. If it were up to her, I'd be gone. So, I initiated the conversation with Peyton, asking about the band with, "How's drum practice coming?"

"It's okay," was all she had to say about it or anything else. She just sat there looking exhausted while mentioning here complaints to the others. 

Eating a taco, I just tried to act naturally while paying attention to the details. No one offered any parental guidance, correctance or nurturing in the least. The only positive comment was a negative, really. She mentioned how she is going to have a phone number now. Her dad is going to pay for it.

Beginning to look like we are close to leaving, Peyton mentions how she can't eat anymore. She had, literally, two bites of a strip of chicken only- not a single fry. 

She admits to having eaten three cinnamen rolls and cheese balls earlier, which made me want to say a few things that I didn't. No one else stepped in either.

Finally, I said something to her about her ordering food she knew she couldn't eat, and that it was a bit rude in general. All the while I wanted to ask Jen when she is going to be an actual parent.

I was careful in talking about it to Julie when we left but I was really offended by her flagrant abuse of her mother's money when she's dependent on her to help her with the bills, which is what makes me mad. How can a person take so much and never express any concern at all whether her mother is doing fine with the bills?

 revisit later

January 9, 2023 2:53 pm. 

Just finished eating my big omelette with Riley. Made lunch and cleaned the kitchen after studying for a while. I'm trying to get back to my journaling routine, writing down my thoughts rather than letting them go as if I'll recall them later... Yeah, that rarely works with so much distraction in our everyday environments- televisions blaring, social media and internet nonsense... It's a circus prison we cannot exit.

There is so much to study, and to not be able to even get my girl to respond at all is very frustrating to say the least. Looking at it positively, in order to immediately rid myself of negative energy, I have my very own "case study" in my observance of her. This is how I remind myself to appreciate it, ever since I became aware when we got together.

Like Riley, an expensive purchase at around $5000. Yes, we were at Pet Smart to get some hamster items. We both saw the puppies but I intentionally averted my eyes away to avoid the emotions that would cause wanting. Julie, she couldn't resist seeing them. I already knew, and prepared myself for the reality of her getting a pup, subconsciously. And, when she said she wanted one, I knew I couldn't say no to her but I also knew it was extortion. Every part of the sale was wrong to me, with my perspective on today's Corporate business practices but I reluctantly agreed while at the same time I really missed having a dog. After losing Socks and Hercules in the house fire, I could barely look at another dog.

Well, since I am home all day, it's understandable that the animal would naturally bond with me. I felt very bad about that but little did I realize the full responsibility would end up being mine so, Riley bonding with me was what was best anyhow. 

The very first day we brought him home it became obvious that my training of him was going to be handicapped due to mixed signals from Julie and myself. 

The next morning, Riley was catatonic and comatose. It was like he was dying right then and there. Okay, we'll take him to the veterinarian since he was insured. What we would learn, for another $500 and change, was that Riley is hypoglycemic. If we would have just rubbed some maple syrup on his tongue, he would have snapped out of it. Yeah, okay.

Trying to train him was hard, only when Julie was home. She was predominantly distracted by way of the iPad, iPhone and Television. Observing Riley in order to coach him wasn't happening without me there in the room, making the potty training a bit of a failure. Telling myself that it's a very small dog relieved me from the anxiety but that's what I had to do to cope. And since he is a little conscious spirit of nature, I accepted everything I had to just as if I was caring for God itself.

Now, he will sometimes potty at the foot of the toilet- thinking he is going where we go, I imagine. And, sometimes he will go in the kitchen by the trash can. It's never on the carpet, and always a small amount. And, it's only if we aren't home or no one is listening. He will actually make the "out" sound, when he wants to go out. I've been learning to speak with him for almost two years now, March 10 is his birthday.

Riley is very insistent when he wants something. He's almost a bully when he wants to play- you don't get a choice. He will pester you until you throw the toy, and then make you try to take it from him when he brings it back. It'll go on like that for an hour. 

If you hear him bark from the kitchen, he wants more water.

He always checks on me when I'm working on my studies, making me take a break and make time for him. He'll come up and sit close to me, staring into my face intently while his front paws are standing on my leg or arm. He'll paw his fingers through my beard to get my hands on him. He always comes up and sniffs my eyes, and licks my nose to give me kisses. And, I always make him a special bowl of food with some of what we are having, when we eat. He always gets a share of what I made to eat. It's like hearing the crinkle of candy wrappers in a prison cell. You know it's candy, and you want some. Not ever getting a piece of that candy makes you have negative feelings so, imagine all of those flavors dancing on his tastebuds with the huge size relationship a dog's nose has... He'd never be my friend if I didn't share what I have to share. It's basic psychology.

I care for him and Julie, and Rocky as well, as if it were to their spirits that I had to prove myself.

Which brings up Rocky, a fancy bearded dragon that I happened to find in my new backyard- when we moved to Lancaster, Ohio almost three years ago... The spirits guided me to the yard. I was "motivated" to go look around the backyard one day while beginning to settle in.  "Go out and look around in the back yard" was the message. After shrugging it off a few moments, I finally went out there and could find nothing significant- there was a big chainlink fence seperating our duplex development from the apartment complex next door. The main road was to the left, and only one dying tree behind the house directly on my left. On the right was nothing but a few more houses, and some mulberry trees trying to grow up the fence line. There was enough room for a bunch of kids to play games like soccer.

I looked and looked, and saw nothing to see but the clover at my feet caught the corner of my eye. As I looked down at it closer I thought that maybe I would find a four leaf clover. As that thought finished, about 18 inches from my feet was Rocky, staring up at me with his mouth opened. It was as if he was happy to see me.  

"you're out of your element," I said to him. And then I dashed into the house to get a towel to scoop him up with. I had no idea what to expect, nor did I even know what he was but I did very clearly understand that if I didn't take possession of him in order to care for him, he would die from predators if not the weather.

After spending a little time trying to find someone that may have lost him, I decided to go get him a habitat which ended up costing me about three hundred dollars but he had to have it. Soon, I developed some animosity regarding the "pet industry".

Rocky ended up being very docile and sweet. Never being certain of what care he might have had, I did my best to give him everything that he needed. Still, I feel I do not give him as much attention as he needs or may want. He's very playful, at times. He'll thrash around in the cage, and I'll let him out. Him and Riley will play together, chasing each other around the room. The other day he was looking and acting spirited, so I shook a partially deflated bubble pack strip, from a recent package, at him. He took a charge at it and bit it like he was Riley, shaking his head with it in his mouth. This is the first time I've seen him play like this, and it's a reminder to me that he needs more attention.

Sometime after getting Riley, I had made a comment about "let's go back to carrier pigeons" on my show. It was about the devices taking over peoples lives, and how sad I am at seeing where it's all going. And soon I would open a letter from Nielsen's that triggered a series of questions that sparked an investigation which lead me down a seriously dangerous rabbithole of discoveries.

After constantly hammering away on "carrier pigeons," as a new detail that added to my show creation, I finally investigated them. What I had learned tied right in with everything I was investigating- full circle.

I'll never forget the energy that was transmitted through me the night that I laid in bed, when I made a conscious connection and understood the message being given to me. It was after this that I found out that the passenger pigeon was extinct.

Soon, I decided that I wanted to get some pigeons- understanding that it was part of what was becoming through my understanding of my own consciousness. I went and bought 8- four pairs that I intended to care for and multiply. So, now I've got four breeds. The Frillbacks are a German breed, having laid their first egg for me on the first of January. In nine days we will see if it hatches. I am very excited but Julie has really taken very little interest in them that I can see.

Yes, hobbies are what keeps you interested in life when you have so much to be concerned about. They are the little breaks you give yourself to stay tuned to who and what you are. It's just like drinking but healthy for mind, body and spirit. And I've got lots of hobbies or interests. It's kind of like in the movie, The Martian, where I have made a hobby out of propagating things around me to take my mind off of the fact that I will most likely be dead soon. If you give in to panic, nothing good will happen.

Julie's home now, so I'm finished, most likely....