Love and Take part of 41 redrafted 12-5-2018 5:37 p.m.

I am staying at a hotel, where I flirted a bit with the hostess when I started staying here. She wore no ring, and was an older woman- the type I always go for. After a while, her husband, little did I know, started hanging out. At one point, later in the weeks to come, George- the manager, introduced, Jesse, as a professional painter who was going to help out on the weekends. Come to find out he only wants to babysit me and pretend like he's running the show- attempting to coax me into doing all of the tedious prep-work so that He may be the one to "Pull The Trigger". I brought it up and explained to him, like a man, that I had in fact flirted with Kerri, because she wore no ring, which I always look for. He explained that she had told him and that it was no big deal. Yeah, well. I am no fool. People have played head games with me since birth. I am very intuitive- psychic, in fact, at times... and it scares people. 

Anyway, one night he comes to my room all upset, saying how Kerri was arguing with her ex-husband but wouldn't share it with him, as to what about. I calmed him down and gave him advice, as to how to handle it. Come to find out, she and her seven kids, along with her ex, are all living under the same roof. 

The boy is 31 and he's being catfished! Now the whole crew is up here hanging out, watching me, and trying to get close to me, while they feel around to work up the nerve to jump me. I am an intimidating factor in my performance, it can't be helped. I only know because it was stressed and explained in detail by professionals of my Mental Health support. 

I told the manager when I started, that a few things would happen. 

One, someone will offer me a job and become angry that they cannot gain a piece of me for their own greed. 
Two, I will become feared due to my level of performance, and expertise, which makes people around me feel inferior and insecure.
Three, I will become a target. 

Now Jesse makes comments about how he used to have music and band equipment, (like the items in my room/office), but a guy came over and smashed it all out of a jealous rage over him being with his ex-girlfriend. Also that he too, has a motorcycle that his dad left him when he died....... but it's at a friend of his father's who has disappeared with the bike.  Yeah, sure.

The Doctor appointment came and I had to reschedule- No ride. Then the second one came on a Wedneday, the same day I have to report for probation. 
What I normally do is get on the bus at 7:30 am to go to Charlevoix for 10 am when Bases opens. Then I have to wait until 3:30 pm to catch a bus back- so, time being money, I hitchhike back to the hotel to return to work- placing me back there at noon. Instead of being to Charlevoix and losing five hours, then to return to work for an hour or two, only to have to go to Gaylord at three thirty. It isn't smart or profitable in any way so, I tried to get someone to give me a ride. It would, however, have been a Great Time To Catch Up On Writing!

 Everyone asks me to save the day for them, and I do. 

The fire department rolled up with the big truck because a guest staying here is looking for free rent, while being unable to find another apartment after being evicted. She started a fight with the maid, complained numerous times to management, then she called because there is another guest who sells meat from his truck- having two household freezers in the bed of his truck, plugging them in at night. One freezer requires an extension cord to reach the outlet- a code violation. I stepped up to be responsible for it. The man asked me to "fix" his freezer so as to be in compliance- so I do. He offered me something from his wares but I refused at that time due to not needing anything yet, and wanting to savor the favor for when I actually needed something...

 Well, Doctor day rolls around to get my marijuana card straightened out, so I ask him. He says he'll check back with me in a half hour to let me know. He comes back by to make it point to say that he was playing hookey- not going to work. He's sore because I won't be his cash cow, working for him by banging on doors selling meat (he's black) but doesn't say it other than physically. He's also sore because he thinks I am some kind of sexual freak- which may be true, thinking I will give him something. He says he can't take me. 

The woman that called the fire department asks me for extension cords and tools to clean out their vehicle in the very recent past, I ask her but she can't take me. 
I explain to everyone that I need to do this and why but no one will help. 

My ex, (Jenny), comes over and asks for sex, I give it to her a few times, then she comes back and spends the night for more- especially morning sex. We go out to breakfast and she takes me to the doctor appointment scheduled for Sunday that I was actually suppose to cancel having found another one sooner and having to go to court on Tuesday- too close for comfort. I needed the certification in order to put out some of the fires with the court. Well, I thank God, Jen takes me to it. 

I get there and have everything I need..., except for my ID, which I had taken out of my wallet to use at the bank for a withdrawal the other day but failed to put it back in my wallet, (head injury). It was sitting on my dresser but in my haste to clean up the place before Jenny came over, I misplaced it. So I couldn't go to the doctor today. Now I feel like crying but if I start I may not stop. I wanted to go to court with this paperwork to put out some of the fire but now I am afraid I have dropped dirty from alcohol and they will lock me up. I am hoping that the manager will get me out on work release or on tether but I am afraid when I go to jail- if I go to jail, my belongings will be robbed from me. All I am trying to do is a good job in the eyes of my God, and my children.

SO I scrambled around and didn't get to go to my appointment. Two hours later after tearing my room apart to find it, I go back out to the tool shed and look around. There on the floor next to a can of paint that this Professional painter stored in there with tinfoil over, with a dust pan placed precariously on top of the can so as to make the id and social security card unseen- there it is. #$%#@%@ 

The other day, Tuesday, the day before I had the doctor appointment in Gaylord for the marijuana card, I had taken my new painting outfit off and carefully emptied the pockets before hand washing the gear in the trash can inside of my tub in my room. What I was worried about was getting the coffee stains out from a fiasco, where I came into my room in a storm- grabbing the coffee pot to heat up a cup in the microwave. It was my favorite glass drinking mug, which I feared, after heating it in the microwave, that it would crack and break when I set it down on the stone countertop- balanced it on top of a can of tuna fish. After putting the sugar in and stirring it, I knocked it over and it spilled everywhere... and the cup broke. It got on my pants. I put some toilet bowl cleaner in with some stain fighting detergent/bleach from the laundry room that was left in a bucket that I ransacked for a tool caddy. I am washing away when I feel something hard- it's my new smart phone! Luckily I bought the protection package. I'm not that stupid...

So anyway, I whip the phone apart and try banging the water out of it. My big idea was to heat a towel up in the microwave and wrap it in the hot towel to draw out the moisture. Well, the towel caught fire. I didn't know what to do. I didn't want to open the microwave and let all of the smoke out into the room that was permeating with the stench already, so I thought, I'll just unplug the mic and take it outside and open it. Well, it's bolted to the fridge! 

So now, I grab another trash can and whip the door open and get it outside as fast as I can. Now I am trying to fan the smell out the door. I decide to take a shower and calm down, seems how I was already naked!

 That's when the phone started ringing. It was the front desk calling to ask why they smell smoke. I get out of the shower and answer the phone which wouldn't quit ringing. I explain it but learn George is on his way down. I open the door naked but for a towel. Feeling and looking stupid, I explain it is okay etc... Who knows what he really thought. 

I didn't have any rice to put it in, so I stuck it in a bucket of oatmeal. The next day it won't come on. All of my numbers are in it so, I cannot call anyone who may be able to help. All I can do is panic. As the time for the appointment rolled nearer, I couldn't help but worry. The phone wouldn't work. I called customer service to find out that I have to mail it in and have it replaced- rather than to go to Walmart and get another one- 

Finally, at 2p.m. I try the phone again and it works. I make calls but no one can help me. I had to call and cancel. 

Now my problem was getting to Charlevoix so I could drop . I see the chemical analysis reports and wonder what they mean. Which ones say I was dirty? I have been living on beans, weiners and cough syrup for three weeks with a chest and sinus cold I can't shake and wonder why. 

Did I put a dip back in the can and forget to get it out? Did I get a rhino virus from being too cheap or poor to throw the dip out that I had only had in my mouth for a second but had to remove? Most likely. Lesson learned there. 

The other lesson is that all of the people around you are not your friends no matter what they try to make you think. 

There is a word for it- befriending. 

When I go to court Tuesday, and get thrown in jail, I will find out just where the loyalty lies here at America's Best Value Inn of Petoskey. Hopefully, the manager will get me out on work release, so I can continue my efforts and maintain the income needed to dig myself out of a hole that is in no way my fault... entirely.

 When I finally have a bank book I will need no one. That's what they are afraid of. Right now everyone can take pay and credit for my effort. But that's okay. I have confidence that I will be rewarded. 

I will continue doing what I think is right. Love it or hate it- it's a gift that you recognize or it's a pain in your ass. I really haven't time left in life to care too much. 

You can't make eggs without breaking them- and when you stand up for the right thing you will find that you stand alone. 

Sometimes alone is the best thing to be.

Have A Great Day.