"HELP, SHARKS!"

Andy had painted a Fantasy Island kind of picture, where a huge house stood in an image of Paradise. There was a Sports car with a T-top, Sea kayaks, an ocean style fishing boat, among other things, Key Deer being one of them. 
 He volunteered to come pick us up at the airport in his “T-top” but then stated that he had to work too, which was a clever ploy to un-volunteer. He knew that anyone who knows about contracting work would never insist on someone taking a day off of making money while it was there to be made, and the weather permitted. He was a con but I needed money. So, there I was, once again, ready to fraternize with vermin. The price to pay was, yet, to make itself known.   

It was after sundown when we rolled up onto Big Pine Key, also known as “Big Stinky”. The Key Deer were in a group of about sixteen, munching on Birdseed and Celery. This was where we were to park. Andy had placed the food out there in order to have them in front of the house when we showed up. It was all part of the set-up as part of his con-job he was working on us- mainly Julie.

We immediately noticed the bugs when we got out of the car but the sight of the miniature Deer, to a Michigander, was novel enough to disregard them. They were so docile that you could touch them, and they ate from your hands. The tiny antlers and bloated looking bellies reminded me of a pigmy goat we had when I was a child.

One of the does had been blinded in one eye by a vehicle injury. Several stories had been heard about the Key Deer but I’d heard of Jack-a-lopes too, so I didn’t believe it. Then the bugs could no longer be ignored. We started getting bit by bugs with stinging bites that were so tiny that they were invisible.

We went inside to find that everyone was in bed already. It was only around eight or nine p.m.  There was an inflatable mattress in the kitchen for us to sleep on. It deflated as we went to sleep, waking up in a pile if Vinyl.  Our genius host had put the rubber stopper in the cap backwards.

Andy was already gone by four-thirty in the morning. He had to run up to the Methadone Clinic, which was located all the way up near or past Homestead. When he returned, he decided to skip work for the day in order for him to baste us with his subtle attempts at seduction. That entailed going out on “his” boat.

Now, I love fishing, and boats, but I came to work and to enjoy a geographical change while I did it but this is my first day and it’s already off to a bad start, which means one more day without money for child support. Nope, Andy wants to go fishing instead. And, oddly enough, every single thing he bragged about having looked like stuff he got for free at the local junk yard. WhyI didn't go right back to Michigan? I was desperate for the money. Soon I would realize how truly desperate I really was.

Andy coaxed Julie with stories about his check being held for another couple days, while painting a tapestry of awaiting riches from future prospects, managing to get her to go buy poles, gear, bait and beer to go out on the ocean with. Under his spell, and holding the checkbook, she dropped a few hundred dollars at a local second hand store. And then at the marina fueling station, filling the very large diesel fuel tank as well. She failed to see a problem.

The vessel was in the canal behind the house. Or was it the front? This was a Charter style fishing boat with a Pentax Diesel engine.  He took it instead of payment for a painting job- so he said, admitting to still owing the rest of the money for the purchase.  Turning the key, and steering was all he knew. As for the GPS, depth finders and the rest of the technical equipment that he knew nothing of, he asked me to try to figure them out.

Teaching people things has always been a pleasure, so I never thought anything much more than how unfortunate it would be to be as stupid as Andy. It took me about fifteen minutes to learn to use the technical gear, showing him the key points. Andy said that he had spent many weeks trying to figure these things out. Instantly, in his silence, I could feel that he hated me for it.  Typical.

The quality of the area and the fishing didn’t impress me. The first day we went, we caught a few Grunts, a Triggerfish, and a couple Yellow fin Tuna- all were pretty small. The second time we went, we caught two Barracuda that we cooked on the grill that same night.

Andy fed Barracuda to the Key Deer that night. He trapped the doe with the blind eye, and then put her in the back of a cube-van, tying her up with a pile of food near her. The idea was to lure a male into the van, lock it inside, and to take them to a person up in the mainland that was ready to purchase them. He never shared the name of this person, and I can only assume that it was one of his dope connections. Luckily, for the Key Deer, they didn’t cooperate with his plans. He locked her up in the fenced in portion of the yard, claiming that he intended to train her as a pet. Whether he succeeded or not, I cannot say but Andy didn’t ever succeed at much anyway. There are photographs of the Key Deer being molested, forbidden by law.

Two young men lived and worked with Andy and his mommy. One of the guys, Andrew, was a zealously religious person, and probably my sign from the supernatural world that I wasn’t entirely among demons. He was my subconscious reassurance that I was not forsaken, no matter haw bad things may seem to become. These two guys did a lot of bible study, and a lot of Ganja smoking. I thought that I could smoke with the best of them until I met these two. Geesh!

One evening, soon after I had arrived, they were instructed to take me out for a beer and some pool, under the pretense that they were to become better acquainted with me, so they took me out to a local bar called, Coconuts, on Big Pine Key, pretty close to the house. Andy had arranged to have a couple of his dope dealer buddies show up there. When they walked in, the bartender noticed that they were well hammered, especially when one of them fell from their chair moments after sitting down in it. Soon one of them was trying to sneak a pull from the bottle he had brought in.

They took no time cutting into me, asking to play pool with us. They also didn’t waste time at trying to trip me up in their little dope game, to get me involved with what Andy wanted me involved in, for reasons only Andy knew. It was obvious that the guys I came with were uncomfortable with being put up to this very odd and questionable thing that Andy had them doing.

As for the other two, they were not tolerated by the staff for much more of their disturbance, and were escorted out by the bouncers after about thirty minutes. Within minutes of that, we finished our beers and went back to the house. There was a silence among us that really said a lot about the whole affair. When Andrew got out of the car, he mentioned that he didn’t care for going to the bars or being put up to things by Andy but because he was living in his house he had to go along with things or at least make it look like he was. They knew that I knew what was happening.

After a few days, Andrew told me that he was going to buy a Sailboat.  He intended to sail to Jerusalem, where he was to go on a Pilgrimage, asking me to come with him when he went, explaining that he had been saving all of his money or most of it, and that he had it all planned out. As he explained it to me at work that day, I looked down at the floor, noticing an image that was created as a centerpiece in the mosaic tile. It was a Tall Ship with triple square sails and rigging. He took it as confirmation from God because it matched the ring he was wearing.  He only needed a couple of hours off of work to go look at it, and since we were near where it was located, he walked there alone, stopping off at the Bike Week Rally to give a testimony, a message from God. He would later explain how he was filled with the Holy Spirit and moved to a great trembling and tears streaming down his face. He thought that the sailboat was meant to be his because of the scriptures that were written all over the walls of the cabin. He plopped down the fifteen hundred for the boat, and took it to where he could moor it.

Two days later, the boat had sunk. It couldn’t have happened to a nicer guy. Having no way to raise her, he planned to depart back to Texas, where he had friends, and had lived, most recently. He left with only the clothes on his back and the things he had learned of. The Keys of Florida had been nothing more than a Siren that pulled him from his course in life, momentarily. I was sad to see him go but I was also happy for his escaping. Or was it meant to be part of his trials and tribulations?

Despite my uneasiness, and my frustrations, troubles or difficulties, I was reassured with daily confirmations that I was being watched over. Danny, I wondered? One was that Sean Adams was here, and was also working on the project I came to help on. Joe Grimminck was here working on the same job, as well. We were all painting. They had been working for Andy up until Andy started doing what he does best, being an asshole and a tyrant, his little Napoleon complex- chasing off both of them with his antics.

They were immediately scooped up and put on the crew that the contractor holding the painting contract had working. Andy was sub-contracting for him, a pawn in the game. It was a typical scenario of the construction business.

On Key West, the condo project was a hotel that was being renovated for economic development. I’d see everyone when I got there to work. An interesting surprise, and to Andy’s dismay, was how elated they all were to see me. After a couple of hours, Andy’s statements regarding how we wouldn’t be drinking while at work, went to having lunch at the bar. We had started the day at four-thirty or five in the morning for our one-hour commute, taking lunch by ten-thirty or eleven, and calling it a day by one o’clock. Andy was drinking the whole time, starting off with the ride in, while he drove without a license. This didn’t help me in keeping my wits-end at all, especially with the whole “when in Rome” programming. My big “save the day” operation with staying out of jail was slowly turning into a big waste of my hope, and picking up speed towards what I felt was certain disaster. Had I any sense or wit in my employ, I would have paid closer attention instead of trying to stay focused on locking myself in as an asset where I had absolutely no business to concern myself with being. 
The worst thing I could have done, in my dependence on Andy, was to get recognized and praised for excellence by the painting contractor. Andy turned ten shades of red in a silent fury during the esteem I was given, while at Shannon’s Irish Pub, from the head man him self, Rudy. Andy was now becoming fearful that I would ruin his gig, replacing him as the man for the job at hand. What he failed to remember was that I had my life in Michigan, and had no want for anything in Florida.

The next day Julie and I went to Bahia Honda to snorkel at the State park. This seemed like a great idea after all the great stories about snorkeling that Danny had shared with me. It was a fine idea… until I got in the water for a few minutes.

Unfortunately, for me, my stepfather had taken our family to see Jaws when it was previewing at Six-Flags over Atlanta Georgia- I was five. When the diver, who was inspecting the sunken boat, pulled a sharks tooth from a hole in the hull, the Captains head rolled out into view. I went into shock and became instantly hysterical, peeing my pants. They ushered us out, and I have been traumatized ever since. Now, when I am in the water, everybody knows it. My body language screams out: “HELP SHARK”.

At about four feet deep I put my face in the water and started swimming around on the surface, slowly kicking my fins. The water was a bit cloudy from the weather stirring up the brackish waves, causing for great amounts of sediment to become loosened from the bottom. There were few signs of aquatic life but for a pair of antennae I saw pull inside a hole in the mud, it was a Lobster, so-called, protesting my disturbance. There was one or two small fish that seemed to have lost their way. The area seemed lifeless all through the Keys.

Looking around in the distance as far as I could see, I realized my vision was restricted to about ten or twenty feet. This limited sight made me very nervous. A slight panic snuck up on me. The water seemed to become murkier still. Hurriedly, I glanced around, looking for sharks, since the depth I was in was now a little bit deeper. That’s when I exploded with panic, scrambling for the shore like a madman or like Gilligan when he ran into a shark in the lagoon. Snorkeling, for me, was done. Check that one off of my list of things to do. It must have been all of four minutes. Okay, now I was ready for a drink. I never went snorkeling again.